Meanderings 16

1. I hate how at Starbucks, the "baristas" are trained to always try to "one up" your order. You order a medium, and they give you the line about how "for only 30 cents more you could have a large" and all that crap. I hate the whole confrontation thing, so I have come up with the perfect plan: I go in and say how I want a large. THEN I rub my chin softly and say something like "ya know what . . .I wont drink all that . . .I'll just take a medium instead." That usually throws them for a loop--do they try to "upsell" me still? They get confused! Ahh. Passive Aggressiveness at its best.

2. At restaurants, after eating dinner, there is always that cliched awkwardness that ensues where the server comes over and asks if anyone has room for dessert. The server usually manifests that false sense of triumph when he or she asks, even though they know the answer will 90% of the time be NO. After the server asks about dessert, those at the table party all glance around at each other, uncomfortably, looking to see who is going to speak up. Its like we feel like we'll offend the server if we dont get dessert. THEN, we say some totally cliche line about how we are so full we can barely move, and the server smiles politely, but inside they are writing with pain because they hear the same lame line every night.

3. Its a fact of life: Women love to pay with change--struggling to find the last eight cents in their purse. Men love to carry change around, and jingle it when they are inpatient or antsy.

4. Recently, I went to buy a dozen donuts at Dunkin Donuts. The counter-girl asked me if they were for here or to go. America runs on Dunkin, but Dunkin runs on stupid.

5. Batman has an arch enemy named Catwoman. What a lucky bastard--that is the best arch enemy in the world! I'd love to have a hot girl dressed in tight black leather who carries a whip and thinks she's a cat try to hunt me down. And he's supposed to be protecting the innocent civilians from her "evil?" I think old Batman is smarter than we are . . . .

6. Professional bowlers are the only athletes that compete in their respective contests while wearing Wrangler blue jeans. Wow. Some sport. (sorry fuzzy)

7. It is funny, if you think about it, what different professional sports coaches wear: Basketball coaches wear three piece suits, Baseball managers wear baseball uniforms, and Football coaches wear cut-off sweatshirts. It would be cute if they all switched. I'd love to see Belichick in a football uniform running up and down the sidelines, trying to find his red challenge flag tucked under his shoulder pads. And I wonder if Tito Francona had to wear a shirt and tie if we'd all see that the reason he hides under his fleece sweater all the time is because he has huge man boobs. Or maybe he just sweats like me.

8. Its funny when you're out to dinner and the server asks you what you want to drink and you say how you just want water--but inside you are feeling bad because you dont want the server to think you are cheap, only getting water to save on the cost of your check. Its not funny when the server actually gives you attitude--either a sigh or a look--when you "only" get water. Its like they are personally being hurt by your decision or something. Because I hate confrontation and I'm a total wuss, I'll usually say something like "I'm just going to have water 'right now' but I might get something later." This leaves open a whole bunch of options for me, and then I can only hope that the waitress will later be too busy to remember that I "might" have wanted something "later."