Mohegan Sun Adventures

Today Amanda and I joined mom, Kristin, and Anthony for a trip over to Mohegan Sun for a late lunch, a look at the casino, and some hardcore people watching.

The whole idea of the Indian Casino is so beautifully ironic; its an English teacher's dream. First of all, they are not "Native Americans" as all the liberals like to call them. The reason for this is because they are not "native" to "America." "America" was named by the rich white guys who came hundreds of years after the Indians had already been here, so technically, they aren't native to the land "they" named. I am sure the Mohegan tribe had a different name for it. It would be like me moving to Connecticut and changing the name to "Dirkadirkastan" and then calling all the people who lived in Connecticut "Native Dirkans."

The reason the whole idea of a casino is so ironic is because of the twisted logic of the whole thing. First, Indians lived on the land we know as the USA. Then, the DWG's (dead white guys) kick them off the land they knew. Then, the DWG's ruined the beautiful landscape and natural beauty of the USA by building disgusting factories that polluted rivers, lakes, and oceans. They built up huge cities and suburbs after destroying trees and natural areas. Then, they made tons of money off of all this, which made them selfish, greedy, and conniving with money.

Fast forward two hundred-plus years. The Indians, using their "reservation" to their advantage, have done the EXACT same thing. They have destroyed beautiful land in the back-country of Connecticut so they could build these ostentatious hotels and casinos that completely stand out from the otherwise natural landscape. They have created buildings with toilets that have automatic sanitary seat covers (Amanda told me). They have created fake natural scenarios with fake trees and fake animals. Then, as a final "screw you" to the government, they have put gambling halls there--where the whole intent is for them to be conniving, deceitful, and "trick-prone" with their money (the advantage ALWAYS goes to the house) People are cheated each and every day. And, to put the icing on the cake, they are making BILLIONS of dollars that the government CANNOT TOUCH! I love it . . . .go Indians!

This is not to be racist or discriminatory in any way--so let me say that right off before people get mad. This is a purely objective statement. I would say the majority of the "patrons" of the casino are of Asian descent--particularly Chinese. This is largely due to the fact that a Wun Fat chartered bus leaves directly from Chinatown in Boston and heads down to Mohegan and Foxwoods daily. Evidently, Asians like to gamble so much that Mohegan has at least THREE "all Asian" casinos. Supposedly they are high rollers. Who knew.

We walked around the "mall" of Mohegan Sun, and went into Brookstone, that really cool store with the really cool stuff that defies any sort of of classification or genre. The store looked like a Chinese rest area. LITERALLY every chair massager, neck massager, foot massager, hand massager, and lung massager was occupied by virtually sleeping Chinese casino-goers. Except for one. Brookstone has this machine that essentially mimics riding a horse; you sit on it, and it basically jostles you around like crazy--legs flailing, hips gyrating, chest bounching. Now I am not sure for what reason anyone would ever NEED to simulate this, but I guess there are some. I dont know. But . . .there was a diminutive Chinese woman atop of this great machine, RIDING THE CRAP out of it . . . .completely expressionless. Beside her, her equally lanky husband tried out a "zero gravity" stairclimber, and the two of them had the whole store in hysterics. But the funniest part was that they had no idea everyone was laughing at them. My mom had to leave the store because she thought she would wet herself. I really wanted to hang out with this woman--I really did. Of course, after she was done, I got on this worthless piece of crap and went to town on it myself . . . .also completely expressionless . . . .

A good day though. The casino is beautiful, and the buffet consisting of all kinds of fresh fish, prime rib, lobster bisque, mussels, and bacon-macaroni and cheese was delightful. It was great to see Mom, whom Amanda and I have not seen since Mother's Day. And it was another great afternoon of hanging out at Kris and Anthony's after, tossing the frisbee and playing with the kids (Thomas and Chelsea, of course). Pictures of the casino, etc will come as soon as we are home and can upload them . . . .