Meanderings 7

***Some observations while on vacation in New Jersey with the Zoo***

1. Above-Ground-Pool "whirlpools" are nature's great equalizer--everyone wins! Kids get to have all sorts of fun making a whirlpool and then doing things like going for a free ride on a float, or trying to swim against the current, only to fail and then get water up a nose. Mom's get to subliminally get their kids to clean the pool, since all dirt is collected in the middle. Mom's can trick kids by saying "Jared . . .its time to get out . . .you're getting cold," and then, redeem themselves as the "good guy" by saying, "okay . . .you can stay in another ten minutes . . .why don't you make a whirlpool and THEN get out?" It was the only time, as a kid, I didn't mind being "taken" by "the man."

2. We love drinking alcohol so much, yet we do everything in our power to completely mask the taste of the alcohol we love so much--but we love to get the "effect" of the alcohol. Kids do this on a lesser degree for wanting to put cheese on their broccoli, spinach, Brussels sprouts, and peas (foods we have to eat in order to get the "effect" of the product), yet we chastise them for it. Parents, if you're going to do that to your kids, don't be a hypocrite--suck it up and drink your vodka straight---like June does for breakfast!!!

3. Don't think of the color red. Don't!!

4. The dishwasher is the Navy SEAL of all the household appliances--everything they do, they do in both relative silence, and complete secrecy. You can look inside the refrigerator, oven, clothes dryer--heck, you can even open the washing machine while it is running, and it keeps doing its thing, as if to say "hey . . .thanks for stopping by . . .let me show you how things work in here!" But not the dishwasher. All is covert and top-secret. You can't see what is going on in there . . . .have you ever seen a dishwasher with tempered glass doors? Why not? Plus, you can't open it while its running; it has some type of security-lock that prohibits you. What if there was a dish emergency? Or you got your cat stuck in there? What REALLY goes in in the covert operations of a dishwasher? I think it could be a conspiracy!

5. As a person interested in linguistics, I find it so interesting to examine the utterances we make to substitute for otherwise perfectly good words. There are words we say to mean YES or NO--"mm-hmm" and "mmm-mmm" respectively. What's the deal with that? Also, there is the utterance we make to signify "I don't know." This is difficult to capture through writing, since it is a sound, but do you know what I mean? Its like a complete "m" sound hummed to the tune of "I don't know" in an apathetic sort of tone. Are you doing it? Why is this the only phrase where we do this? I think it would be funny to do that for "I have to go to the bathroom right now, but I think I will wait and go later on when we are less busy writing blogs." Now that would be a funny M sound. As if the phrase "I don't know" were SO difficult to say on its own, we have FURTHER developed another way to do this--the shoulder shrug. When you don't know something, just shrug your shoulders. Everyone will know what you mean, and you dont have to use precious neck and lateral dorsi muscles. God forbid! There are now three different ways to let someone know you have no clue what the hell they are talking about. I want to know how things like this start?

6. It won't be long before corporations begin buying the rights to the names of hurricanes. It started with sports stadiums--Petco Park, Safeco Field, Dunkin Donuts Center--and it will surely soon extend to storms. Think about all the press they would get? How many times in the past two years have we heard the name "Katrina?" Well, imagine if that was, lets say, "Verizon" or something instead. Think about how often the word "Verizon" would get mentioned in the press. Jesse Jackson alone would have said the word "Verizon" over twelve million times by now. "Hurricane Verizon battered the city of New Orleans." Imagine, if you would, Hurricane Wal-Mart, Hurricane Nike, and Hurricane New York Yankees. "And in the weather today, tropical storm Met Life has been upgraded to hurricane status . . ."

7. Let me know your thoughts . . .leave a comment . . . .