Meanderings 18

1. The Pentagon doesnt recognize the word "torture." To them, its called "pain compliance" or "pain inspiration." Furthermore, just in case you didnt know, the United States doesnt "technically" have "bombs." Rather, we use "vertically deployed anti personnel devices." This is serious. I recently finished teaching a unit on "doublespeak" in my public speaking class. I'll write more about it later.

2. In the restaurant/food industry world, "assorted" is a fancy word for "leftovers." For example, the UNH dining hall used to have "assorted" desserts--which just meant that you were getting whatever you didnt finish over the course of the last two days . . .

3. I think my name should be printed anytime a group photo is taken and, in parentheses, it says "not pictured are . . . ." and lists names. Its true, right? Your name should be there too, in fact.

4. This generation of young people have become totally desensitized to the wonder of what was, when I was younger, stellar technology. Ask any kid if they think landing on the moon was an amazing accomplishment in recent history---they probably don't; we've gone so much further since then. I wasnt born yet when we first went to the moon, but I remember very clearly hunkering in a big group, near the end of lunch in 5th grade, trying to get a glimpse of Matt Severson's 2 inch portable TV (a marvel in itself) to watch a space shuttle liftoff. Space shuttle liftoffs, when I was younger, were amazing events that were broadcast on TV and watched by many. When was the last time they interrupted regular programming for THAT in recent memory?

5. Why does "French" onion soup have "Swiss" cheese melted on top?

6. Does the "French" describe the "onion," or the "style" of the dish in general? I ask this because there is also French onion dip. I, for one, am sick of being dinked around by the French.

7. The container of salt I have in my cabinet says on the side that there are 560 milligrams of sodium per serving. Shouldnt it be 100%? Doesnt that seem right? How can "salt" not be 100% sodium? Salt IS sodium. In a can of tomato juice (a "health" drink no less) there are well over 700 milligrams of sodium per serving. How does this happen? What else is in salt? Again, I am sink of being dinked around by the French.

8. I find it so ironic that some people spend so much time and money on equipment and materials for SCRAPbooking. Scrapbooking is a misnomer. What's next? A Feng Shui junkyard? Isnt the whole IDEA that its a book in which to put SCRAPS of memories, etc? Some people might spend an hour on one page . . .tweaking photos, captions, spacing, fonts, etc to be just right. Some people might be my wife.

9. Did you ever notice that most all commercial airline pilots look the same? They are pretty well typecast: the 50-something white male with salt and pepper hair (never bald) and confident eyes. Usually, they are at least 6 foot 1.

10. Plumbers and IT computer people are pretty much the same. Except, in my opinion, the IT people get all the big money and benefits because THEIR lines transport information, not poop.

On second thought, they're the same.

11. If I was a REALLY REALLY rich guy with lots of money and resources, and I wanted to be a REALLY REALLY big jerk, then I would most likely blow up the moon. Think of all the damage this would do. Notwithstanding completely messed up ocean tides and calendars, I think it would be a pretty big moral blow to mankind as well. I'm surprised terrorists havent thought of blowing up the moon yet.

What's more is this: If I was that REALLY REALLY big jerk who blew up the moon, what type of recourse could any sovereign country have against me? I couldnt be in any trouble. After all, who owns the moon? No one has any control of it. It doesnt exist in any part of our "world," even. That would really tick the liberals off, huh? They'd have no one to blame. (let the comments begin . . .ha ha) As far as I'm concerned, the moon is fair game.