Meanderings 22- Whatever is on my mind . . .

1. I saw on the news tonight that Britney Spears and her family refused an offer of intervention from Dr. Phil. Apparently, they dont want all their "dirty laundry" to be brought out to the media. . . .

2. How come "into" is one word, but "out of" is two words? You can't go into something without getting out of what you were previously "in." So why the savage inequalities with the two words? That's not fair at all.

3. I got to thinking about movies the other day and I began to wonder about things like which actor has died on screen the most times, which actress has been naked the most (not counting adult film, of course), who has been in the most love scenes, who has eaten the most food, who has had the most lines, and all kinds of trivial stuff like that. Someone should do that, and then publish their findings on a power point presentation. Those would be pretty cool awards . . ."and the award for the actor to have his ass shown on film more than any other actor in the history of film is . . . .DANNY DEVITO" and stuff like that . . .

4. Sometimes we forget just how short Danny DeVito really is. But he is so cute.

5. How did football become a "Sunday" thing? I think about this every year when the playoffs are on and they have some games on Saturdays. Saturdays are a way better day to have football games . . .I bet the NFL would see a rise in viewers, and advertisers would get more bang for their buck because people would swarm Hannaford to by beer, chips, and olive loaf, since they could watch the game/party that night because they dont have to work the next day. Unless your name is Josh Adams or Brian Kemish and you go to UNH, who the heck can hang out and party and drink beers on a Sunday night? Its such a downer, ya know? When I'm president, after banning tractor trailers from the road except between the hours of 10p.m. and 7 a.m., I will ensure that football becomes a Saturday sport.

6. What is the "bench" we use to measure a "benchmark" achievement? And stuff . . .

7. "Hey . . .we built a new house!" Of course you did moron . . .what, did you build on OLD house? Did you take down a perfectly good house and then use the same lumber and nails to make it look different? The word "new" is so overused. We got a new car. We got a new cat. I have a new haircut. Its all new if you are just getting it. You dont "get" anything that you "used to have." Ya know what I mean?

8. If I was a girl and I taught social studies, I would teach an elective called "HERstory: the role of women in the 20th century and beyond." Just kidding . . .that would be stupid!!

9. TV commercials can be as stupid, asinine, dangerous, and inappropriate as they want, and all they have to "legally" do is have "DO NOT ATTEMPT" flash across the screen at the beginning of the commercial. Everyone else has to get lawyers and insurance and all that good stuff. But all Chevy has to do when they have some idiot drive a Silverado, blindfolded, through the desert at night,with no headlights, and a herd of camels chasing the truck, all to show how great the rear view mirrors are, is say DO NOT ATTEMPT, and they are scot-free. Silly huh?

10. And while we're on the subject, what's up with all these car commercials showing someone driving someplace cool looking, and getting the news that this is a "Professional Driver" on a "closed course." Where are all these closed courses? What happens after the commercials are done? Do they become like previously used Olympic Stadiums that slowly deteriorate over time? Are they now open to the public? Can people pay 60 bucks to "make a commercial just like the pros?" I wonder which state has the most "closed courses." Do they get turned into museums?

11. Sometimes when I am brushing my teeth and I am in a rush, I will turn the water on before I am ready to actually spit, because I think this somehow "buys me time" and makes the whole process faster. Do you do this? I also find myself, when feeling hurried while driving someplace, unbuckling my seat belt about two minutes before I arrive at my destination, just so I dont have to go through the arduous process of unbuckling my seat belt when I get there. Again, I feel like I am somehow "cutting corners" and buying time. You know you do this . . ..

12. In the Morning Sentinel this morning, on the front page, there was a full color photo of people walking down a slushy sidewalk in Waterville. The article was about the recent warming trend we've been having. The caption under the picture said "Mark and Diane Suchandsuch try to avoid puddles walking down Main Street in Waterville." I immediately showed my students, who immediately picked up on the misplaced modifier (grammatical error) in the sentence. Can you? If I worked for this newspaper, I'd be embarrassed . . .they make the most ridiculous errors.