Meanderings 33

I have a lot of time to think these days . . .

1. You know what's missing from our modern day neighborhoods? A "scary house" in which lived a "scary old man" or a "scary old lady." Our parent's generation (as evidenced by Hollywood movies, anyway) were blessed with living in a town where they had not only the "town drunk" (whom I have mentioned before) but also "old lady Quigley's house up on the hill" or "old man Peobody," who'll shoot you if you step foot near his prized Lilac bushes, or such and such. These types of scary houses and scary people were good for morale of neighborhoods, and they vastly contributed to the coming of age of many of our parents, I am sure. Countless dares, such as "ding dong and ditch," the "flaming brown bag," and spending the night in said house were aplenty back then. I say we bring back the old meanies and the freaks who live in these "untouched by time" houses all alone and dont interact with anyone. Oh wait we do have them . . .they're called Republicans.

2. Who was doing who on Scooby Doo? I often get confused.

3. More fast food stuff: I was in Burger King the other night and, on the menu board up near the ceiling, right under the "chicken sandwich" choices, was a little asterisked comment that read "picture menus available for those who need them." Well how do you like that? If you NEED one of those menus, then chances are you couldnt READ the little comment in the first place. So how do you know they exist?? And if you COULD read the comment about the picture menu and STILL found yourself needing one, then you're an idiot because you are too lazy to read. SUCK IT UP.

4. How clean does a whistle really need to be? I'm referring to the adage "its as clean as a whistle." If anything, a whistle is really dirty and laden with germs from some pudgy and orotund football coach blowing his nasty saliva into it all day. Is saliva clean? Silly.

5. "Wheatables" crackers may be the only food I can think of thats name is an adjective, not a noun. Think about that.

6. NASCAR, besides being the dumbest "sport" in all of the world (sorry Randy), is also the only sport in the world that contributes to global warming and causes pollution.

7. Many "Guinness world records" attendance records are set at NASCAR events, since they command a whole bunch of people who like to watch cars turn left for 3 hours. But what many probably don't realize is that this is probably the largest gathering of illiterate people, in one place, in all the United States. The same goes true for inbred people. I should call Guinness. Might as well kill three birds with one stone . . .

8. Maurcia Grant is in the news today because she is suing NASCAR for 225 million dollars for "racial and sexual discrimination." Maurcia, who is black, says she was treated both wrongly and unfairly while working for NASCAR pit crews. Imagine that? Now that must be the first case of THAT ever happening Shouldnt NASCAR, in turn, sue her for being stupid enough to be a woman working for NASCAR and expecting NOT to get harassed? What the heck to you expect to happen? But I guess what really gets me is this whole 225 million dollar case. How do you put a monetary "price" on being harassed or bullied? Who determines the amounts? And furthermore, why do these "costs" rise with inflation? They shouldnt--the only things that should rise with inflation are . . .well . . .tangible things. Why was the cost of "mental anguish" only 500,00 dollars twenty years ago? Has the price of shame and embarrassment risen? I dont think so. They should have documented the first settlement of one of these stupid cases when it happened like 20 or 30 years ago. Let's say the plaintiff got 20K for their "suffering." Great. Now a precedent has been set. Everyone else who files one of these ridiculously liberal cases, from now on, can ONLY get up to 20K for their settlement. The price of "suffering" doesnt go up. Put on your big girl underpants and go change some tires . . .