Meandering 42 (and Callum dances)

**At the end of this post, be sure to click on the video of Callum in his Jumparoo!! He just LOVES Bruce Springsteen....

1. Our society really seems to qualify "hell" as a terrible place; its where murderers, rapists, bad little boys, and members of the Bush administration end up for eternity. Isnt it interesting then, when one considers all the ways we use "hell" as a modifier to describe things. "It is as hot as hell in here!" one might say. And well put. Hell is, indeed, a hot place. But, based on the way we all talk in vernacular conversation, hell doesnt always seem that bad. A model can be "sexy as hell," a room can be both "as hot as hell," and "as cold as hell." Which one is it? Furthermore, I know people who are as "funny" as hell, "generous" as hell, and "smart" as hell. Apparently, hell is an interesting place, no? I've even heard people refer to their food as being "spicy" as hell, "salty" as hell, and "sour" as hell. Is hell all these things? And, if so, how does everyone know? Maybe I'd like to go there after all....

2. Touch your teeth. Go ahead. There's no skin, is there? Of course not. Its bone, enamel, plague, and leftover corned beef. But no "skin." So what's the deal with the "I made it by the skin of my teeth" adage? Teachers tell their students that they only passed their class "by the skin of their teeth." I want to slap those teachers. That saying is as stupid as hell....

3. Isn't it funny that we buy tons of stuff that's made in China to assert our American independence, ingenuity, tradition, and character? These days, people like to go to "craft stores" to buy things that "look" inherently "country" and "rustic," since these are traits indicative of "Americana." You've seen these things: country candles, antique looking flower pots, faded signs advertising things like "lemonade" or "apple pie." Look through the latest Christmas Tree Shoppe catalog that just came in your mail, and you'll see what I mean. My good friend Brian's mom would call all this stuff, endearingly, "mundits," which is Italian for...well..."Chatchkas."Junk. And we buy these things to celebrate our American "ruralness." Well guess who is laughing? The 84 pound Chinese twelve year olds who make this crap...

4. Its hunting season in Maine, and once again, I feel left out; I'd love to hunt: get up early, stay at camp, carry a gun, drink beer. Its all the stuff I do anyway. But, alas, I'm a wuss...I couldnt POSSIBLY willingly take a life--even if I was going to eat it. That's why I propose "catch and release" hunting. You're probably laughing (actually, you're probably not reading this because you have a life), but they do it with fishing....why not with hunting? This could be a huge marketing trend! Think about it...instead of guns that shoot bullets, they have special guns that shoot darts, pins, or something else laced with a tranquilizer or sleeping pill. You pursue your game, shoot it, go over and get your picture taken with it, and then stop at the Chinese food buffet on the way home. Meanwhile, the deer has a restful sleep (and definitely is NOT eaten by Coyotes), wakes up refreshed, and goes on its merry way. Everyone wins!

5. Can I just be on record here by sharing just how excited I am that PIRATES are making a comeback? I mean, its all over the news with the Somali's taking over oil tankers, etc. It sucks for the people involved, but the rest of us should be all psyched....they're PIRATES for crying out loud! This is awesome. Pirates are back in style, and I couldnt be happier. I'm gonna go find me a wench! I mean, "pirate" just sounds so much more romantic than "terrorist."

6. As a side note, I wonder if, in two hundred years, some little kids will dress up like terrorists on Halloween. Little kids wearing dirka dirka hats and dirka dirka robes walking around with cute little suicide vests on. Maybe their mom paints a graying beard on the cherub faces....

I hope we can one day live in that world....

7. The "awl" is the ugly-red-headed stepchild of the Swiss Army knife. Who the hell needs an awl? If Swiss Army knife implements were super heroes, the awl would be Aquaman. Do you even know what an awl IS? How many times have you been in a survival situation where you needed a knife blade to carve a stick so you could light a fire so as not to get hypothermia....and then thought about how your leather belt from "The Gap" could sure use another hole....

8. (Amanda gave me the idea for this one!) When you put on your pants, you put your legs in the "legs." So, how come when you put on your shirt you put your arms in a "sleeve" and not an "arm?"