Meanderings 43

Me making "Hop-Nog"--a special Christmas IPA--with Anthony....

Second Cousins: Callum and Brandon FINALLY meet each other for the first time. They got in their PJs at the same time....wicked cute. This was just before we hit the road for CT.

Just loungin' with my grampy....

If you're looking for Christmas ideas for Callum, may I ask that you refrain from getting him any "chins." Clearly, he has enough already.

1. Have you stopped lately to consider how many millions of dollars are being spent on the manufacturing, marketing, and purchasing of these new "green" and "reusable" bags for grocery shopping? I've seen them advertised in at least 2 pretty reputable store catalogs, toted as "Christmas Gifts." Isnt it so ironic that we're using so much NEW material and NEW natural resources to make these things? I mean, who doesnt have a million bags sitting around the house already? Now we have to go buy "special" ones to prove how green we are....

2. When a "business" offers a government any type of competition at all, they are referred to, from that point on, as a "cartel."

3. In the paper the other day there was an article about how female golfer Anika Sorensen (I know I spelled it wrong, but no golfer is worth the extra energy of looking up) is retiring this year. This begs a significant question: When golfers retire, do they then have more time to play golf?

4. As I watched Thanksgiving football with my family last Thursday, I smiled. Not because I was pleasantly satiated. Not because Amanda made pumpkin pie for dessert. I smiled because, no matter how many millions these overpaid steroid gluttons make, the fact of the matter is that they had to work that day....and I didnt.

5. On one of the dumb network news morning shows on "Black Friday," the anchor woman was interviewing another woman who was head of marketing for some toy company. This "toy representative" was showcasing all the HOT toys for this holiday season (BISCUIT the talking dog, Hanna Montana chainmail, etc.) What caught my eye was a little motorized truck designed SPECIFICALLY to stick to, and then drive on a ceiling. Upside down. I guess it comes with a step ladder so kids can climb up to the top....and they dont include batteries, but there is a 50 dollar voucher to cover the first 20 minutes you're at the emergency room. Do they hire anyone with brains anymore?

6. In a later segment on this "Black Friday" edition of the news morning show, the male anchor had a woman on who was some kind of "credit card insider," who knew all these secret things your credit card company would offer (freebies) as long as you asked--things like roadside assistance, identity theft stuff, etc. Her language was priceless: "Credit card companies offer these freebies...but only if you use your credit card for making purchases." As opposed to using it as an ice scraper for a windshield? What the hell is she talking about? What else do you use your credit card for?

7. Next story: Touting the deals one can get on black friday...but then describing how the REAL bargains begin on "Cyber Monday." I love this relatively new colloquialism. And it sounds like a special day when a bunch of "Dateline" pedophiles get together for a huge on line "chat." But "Cyber Monday," if you are unaware, is the day when ON LINE retailers see their biggest sales. The news morons all think its because people, by Monday, have had the chance to see the stores, and now want to see on line deals. Idiots. Yeah. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that folks are back to work after a long holiday weekend, are bored out of their mind, dont want to do any actual "work," and instead opt to surf the web all day.

8. And finally on this utterly thought provoking news program, there was a piece on the situation in Mumbai, and all the attacks appertaining to. The reporter remarked how "you can hear fresh gunfire down the street." Really? "Fresh" gunfire? Is this opposed to hearing gunfire that happened twenty minutes ago? Or do you mean as opposed to when folks record it on their Fisher Price tape recorders and broadcast all yesterday's gunfire over Bose speakers...in case you werent around to hear it the first time?

9. Tomorrow never comes. By the time tomorrow comes, its today.

10. We're always hearing and reading about lawsuits involving race discrimination, profiling, etc., and they usually make us laugh because of their stupidness (one black senator thought Hurricane names were too "white sounding," I take umbrage to Craparita's "Gringo Burger," etc.) That being said, I think someone should mount a lawsuit against advertisers for their "seasonable profiling" when they "market" Christmas. Better yet, why not sue Christmas? Yeah! Think about it: We're lucky to live in New England--the most beautiful part of the whole United States--and be subject to her seasons (for better or worse). All Christmas "scenes" in movies, shows, books, decorations, etc. convey this "New England Winter" theme of snow, cozy cabins, wood stoves, mountains, and ice skatable ponds. Just as they should. But, since we live in such a liberal and entitled country, I think its perfectly justified for some upstanding citizen in....let's say....Arizona or New Mexico....to sue Christmas for the way it "discriminates" against their weather patterns and biomes, by never including any Christmas scenes of Cactus plants or deserts....and never having Santa Claus chasing a tumbleweed down the road as he prepared to take off , etc. I mean, who says all Christmases have to have winters and fire and little chipmunks? If we're going to do this liberal entitlement thing, then let's do it all the way!