Meanderings 53

First, a picture of last night's dinner. I've been having a blast with my Weber charcoal grill, and I actually roasted (not grilled) a chicken in my Weber. I took some maple chunks I had from splitting wood, and put them on top of the coals. I should do a whole blog on this cooking I've been doing. Anyway, it came out UNBELIEVABLE! I made some baked potatoes too. Good stuff. See how all the coals are on one side? I used indirect heating method. More of the beautiful blueberry barren from Hope....

Up to no good.....

1. If I pig gets sunburned, does that pig just become "walking" bacon? (pigs CAN get sunburned, you know!)

2. Callum really loves "Elmo in Grouchland," which is Elmo's first feature film. Manny Patakin (sp?) is in it, and he is hilarious! Also starring, as the "Queen of Trash," is Vanessa Williams. I know this sounds kind of sick, but Williams is actually really hot in this movie. What's always been interesting about Vanessa Williams is how she has the ability/skill/whatever to sometimes make herself look "whiter," and sometimes make herself look "blacker" (from what I understand, she is half and half). Good for her; all I can do to alter my appearance is grow a beard. But, anyway, she is "very" dark in this film, and I am just surprised the morons at the ACLU didnt make a big fuss for how, in her role as the "Queen of Trash," she seemed to purposely make herself look "blacker." Hey....dont be mad at me.....I'm just telling you what I saw...

3. Have you ever stopped to think about just how much commercial radio sucks. I mean, I know this isnt that funny or creative or original....but just think about radio for a second. There's NOTHING on. Boston had one of the best rock stations in history, but now its going to become a sports talk station. Up here in Maine, there's country, 92 commercials (what I call 92Moose, which is a teeny bopper station), or "construction worker" classic rock. Nothing progressive or enlightening. And I would imagine its like that where you live too. Commercial radio sucks. And XM isnt that much better, sorry to say. For all the diversity they advertise with their music stations, we found it to be pretty repetitive. Go for NPR's "World Cafe" if you want to hear some good stuff. Also, iTunes has great FREE stations.

4. You know what I hate? "Willow Tree." That stuff is stupid. Are we that arrogant (or insecure) that we need to be re-affirmed of our daily tasks and roles by faceless figures wearing ethereal, loose-fitting clothes? In fact, I get annoyed by any "fictional" figures depicting jobs, roles, hobbies, etc. With the exception of Smurfs, which are awesome, I think the rest are silly. "Oh...I'm a teacher....so I guess I'll get ANOTHER, much cuter, rounder, and more muted version of SOMEONE ELSE teaching. This way I wont forget I'm a teacher." Or, "Oh....I'm a mom....which is cool because that is such an original thing to be....I really want a faceless, chubby, molded figure of something ELSE being a mom too. This way I'll feel so much better!" Hey....I do a lot of stupid things too I guess....so to each his own. (sorry Nannie....I know you love Willow Tree).

5. Willow Tree should make a figure of someone vacuuming a Clubhouse. My mom would buy like 30 of them....

6. If we're all at a party and we're all drinking and then we all walk home, can my paraplegic friend in a wheelchair gets stopped for drunk driving? In Maine, usually every summer, you hear of some guy from Vassalboro who gets caught driving his lawnmower drunk. Seriously. So, this is a valid question.

7. At what point in history did we decide which animals would fall into the "cute" category and which ones would fall into the "not" or "pest" category? I mean, most "baby" things (except Eagles) are adorable. But for "adult" animals? I think raccoons and skunks get a bad rap....they ar really cute. Too bad they eat trash and spray people. Groundhogs dont fall into this cute category either. Basically any animal that refuses to be corrupted or tamed by "the man" is seen as our enemy. Cats and dogs and fish and parakeets sold out a long time ago. Keep on keepin' on, Mr Groundhog!! Interestingly, mice walk a very fine line. Some folks trap them and scream at the sight of them (my mom hates mice). Yet Amanda has these chachkas called "Charming Tales" which are all cute little mice doing stupid things like fishing. And why are mice seen as pests but gerbils (looks like a mouse to me!) seen as cute pets?

8. What, on earth, other than a giraffe and an armadillo, looks like a giraffe or an armadillo? Everything looks like "something." Where do these two fit in?

9. Here's something that annoys me: People who have pet turtles named "Shelly." Grow up.

10. Here's a pitch for a pathetic summer chick flick: A single guy becomes smitten with a hot toll collector working the Gardiner tolls off route 95. Every day, on his way home from work, he looks forward to going through her toll, only to be let down by the 1.4 seconds he gets to talk to her each day. The long traffic lines in back of him make it impossible for him to stop and converse with this girl, and thus he's faced with the quagmire of how to hit on this girl, flirt with her, and ultimately ask her out. Corey Feldman or Gary Coleman would be great for this!

Seriously, how do you ask out a toll collector? It is really sad actually, because I'm sure it has happened. I mean, if you like the barista at Fourbucks, you can go in, talk to her, see what she's into, etc. But toll collectors? I guess it would take a month's worth of these 1.4 second meetings to have a substantial conversation. And you can never pick her up at work. There are hundreds of reasons why a toll collector romance would never work.