Meanderings 33

I have a lot of time to think these days . . .

1. You know what's missing from our modern day neighborhoods? A "scary house" in which lived a "scary old man" or a "scary old lady." Our parent's generation (as evidenced by Hollywood movies, anyway) were blessed with living in a town where they had not only the "town drunk" (whom I have mentioned before) but also "old lady Quigley's house up on the hill" or "old man Peobody," who'll shoot you if you step foot near his prized Lilac bushes, or such and such. These types of scary houses and scary people were good for morale of neighborhoods, and they vastly contributed to the coming of age of many of our parents, I am sure. Countless dares, such as "ding dong and ditch," the "flaming brown bag," and spending the night in said house were aplenty back then. I say we bring back the old meanies and the freaks who live in these "untouched by time" houses all alone and dont interact with anyone. Oh wait we do have them . . .they're called Republicans.

2. Who was doing who on Scooby Doo? I often get confused.

3. More fast food stuff: I was in Burger King the other night and, on the menu board up near the ceiling, right under the "chicken sandwich" choices, was a little asterisked comment that read "picture menus available for those who need them." Well how do you like that? If you NEED one of those menus, then chances are you couldnt READ the little comment in the first place. So how do you know they exist?? And if you COULD read the comment about the picture menu and STILL found yourself needing one, then you're an idiot because you are too lazy to read. SUCK IT UP.

4. How clean does a whistle really need to be? I'm referring to the adage "its as clean as a whistle." If anything, a whistle is really dirty and laden with germs from some pudgy and orotund football coach blowing his nasty saliva into it all day. Is saliva clean? Silly.

5. "Wheatables" crackers may be the only food I can think of thats name is an adjective, not a noun. Think about that.

6. NASCAR, besides being the dumbest "sport" in all of the world (sorry Randy), is also the only sport in the world that contributes to global warming and causes pollution.

7. Many "Guinness world records" attendance records are set at NASCAR events, since they command a whole bunch of people who like to watch cars turn left for 3 hours. But what many probably don't realize is that this is probably the largest gathering of illiterate people, in one place, in all the United States. The same goes true for inbred people. I should call Guinness. Might as well kill three birds with one stone . . .

8. Maurcia Grant is in the news today because she is suing NASCAR for 225 million dollars for "racial and sexual discrimination." Maurcia, who is black, says she was treated both wrongly and unfairly while working for NASCAR pit crews. Imagine that? Now that must be the first case of THAT ever happening Shouldnt NASCAR, in turn, sue her for being stupid enough to be a woman working for NASCAR and expecting NOT to get harassed? What the heck to you expect to happen? But I guess what really gets me is this whole 225 million dollar case. How do you put a monetary "price" on being harassed or bullied? Who determines the amounts? And furthermore, why do these "costs" rise with inflation? They shouldnt--the only things that should rise with inflation are . . .well . . .tangible things. Why was the cost of "mental anguish" only 500,00 dollars twenty years ago? Has the price of shame and embarrassment risen? I dont think so. They should have documented the first settlement of one of these stupid cases when it happened like 20 or 30 years ago. Let's say the plaintiff got 20K for their "suffering." Great. Now a precedent has been set. Everyone else who files one of these ridiculously liberal cases, from now on, can ONLY get up to 20K for their settlement. The price of "suffering" doesnt go up. Put on your big girl underpants and go change some tires . . .

Old School Fast Food

I was thinking about McDonalds today (for some reason). Sometimes, you've just gotta have it (fast food, that is). It seems like McDonalds, Wendy's, and Burger King alike have all gone through huge changes in their menus, promotions, and activities in the past 30 years I've been around. I thought I would "reminisce" a bit about what "I" remember from fast food restaurants from when I was younger. Feel free to add . . .

McDonalds:

• Double Feature burger
• Cheddar Melt
• McRib Sandwich (for the Flintsone movie with John "I ate my family" Goodman)
• Daily Double (had real fresh tomatoes and real lettuce . . not the usual crap)
• Happy Meals in pails that you could bring to the beach with you. They usually came with little shovels and strainers so you could collect crabs and such
• 2 for 2 dollars Big Macs (now they're like almost 4 dollars for one!)
• McLean Deluxe (the low fat burger thing they had)
• Bullseye BBQ Burger (with bacon!)
• (help me out with this one!) They had some burger that came in a styrofoam little container so the hot side (meat) stayed hot, and the cold side (iceberg lettuce and tomatoe) stayed cold. What was that called?
• Burgers coming in Styrofoam little containers
• Little plastic caps that you used to put on top of your car roof if your drive thru order wasnt ready. Remember those? They had a special parking lot for those people, and usually you got something free (apple pie) for waiting . . .
• Happy meals that came in little "pumpkin buckets" around Halloween. I had "McBoo."
• The "other" characters (who have been upstaged by that pedophile we call Ronald) like Birdie, Fry-Guys, Grimace, and the Ham-burgalar
• The wonderful Christmas season commercials McDonalds used to have (my favorite was when pedophile Ronald helped some sorry looking kid, sitting alone on the side of a pond while his friends all ice skated with great aplomb, become the greatest ice skater of them all, as Ronald swirled him around the ice and then touched his buttocks).

Burger King:

• Burger Buddies (stuck together little burgers--cute)
• A.L.F. puppets that you could get with the purchase of a burger
• the "double cheeseburger" not being a "regular" menu item-but a special
• When Burger King, one day, decided they would become more like a regular restaurant--you were seated, given popcorn as a free appetizer, and then given a menu from which to order. Remember that?
• International Chicken Sandwiches: Ham and Swiss cheese (French), Mozzarella and marinara sauce (Italian) and lettuce, tomato (American)
• The whole "Herb" campaign Burger King had, where some mysterious guy named Herb was stealing all the Whoppers all across the country. To help catch this "Herb" guy, if you identified yourself by name to the cashier ("my name is Jared and I'd like a Whopper") then you would get a Whopper for 99 cents. If your name really WAS Herb, then you were supposed to say "I'm not the Herb you're looking for." Does anyone else remember this?
• 99 cent Whoppers
• Simpsons watches that talked when you pressed the button
• Cakes--they used to have Burger King cakes, because Kris used to have them for her parties. They had pictures of the "king" on them

Wendy's

• Without question, they had THE best toys
• When you paid for your order, your change came out via a cool little slide on the side of the cash register
• Wendy's had "beads" you had to walk through to get through the doorway (like hippy beads)
• "Where's the beef?" commercials

Fiber Frolic 2008

Hi everyone. Amanda here.

Well, we are waiting patiently (or impatiently as the case may be, Jared!) for the Bean to arrive. We are now a day past our official due date and I feel kind of strange. We've spent the last months totally focused on June 6th, and now it's come and gone with no Bean. Maybe he just has some last minute things to take care of.... Come on out, Bean! We want to meet you!

How sweet! I got home from work on Friday to this:

Today Mom and I went to the Fiber Frolic at the Windsor Fairgrounds. It is a fair that takes place every June and it is a wonderland of yarn, fiber, animals and good food. We were hoping that the walking around would speed the Bean up a little bit. Here is a picture of one of the many llamas we saw today:

Baby goats! Here is one trying to get something to eat. They were so cute!

Mom and I had a great lunch of hot dogs, hand-cut french fries and lemonade.

And while we ate lunch, there was a kids bluegrass band!

After we left the Fiber Frolic we headed up to Skowhegan to purchase some FuzziBunz cloth diapers to try out on the Bean....when he finally decides to show up! Mom and I had the best day. It was great just to spend time together, buy some really beautiful yarn, and keep a yearly tradition going. We're going to take the Bean next year!

The day was topped off with a great dinner at Cancun in Waterville. Mel and Jonathan also joined us and Mom had a margarita with too much tequila. Fun!

Meanderings 32

Amalie Benjamin . . . .

1. I'm tired of the new Brawny paper towel commercial that is on right now that explains how Brawny paper towels can handle even your "toughest" cleaning cases, and then shows a defeated looking husband, covered in dirt and grime, facing a situation where a baby is throwing spaghetti on the floor, and then the "wife" gives a "motherly" smile, as if to say "ohhh dear . . .i need to take care of my two little boys" (the husband is the other little boy) and then comes to the rescue, cleaning up the mess. Talk about double standard--just think of what the feminazi's would do if it were a commercial for, lets say, a lawn mower, and the "physically weak" woman had to be helped out by the stronger man, etc. I hate the way husbands and fathers are portrayed in the media . . .we're like a bunch of Peter Griffiths or Homer Simpsons (who, dont get me wrong, are hilarious) who can't do anything. I just think if it were the other way around . . .

2. Someone in the world (actually probably hundreds of people in the world), when asked what they do for a living, has to explain how they wash dishes for cooking show personalities. Think about it: when Rachel Ray, Emeril, Martha Stewart, and Alton Brown are done for the day, someone's gotta clean that crap up. Are these people recognized for what they do? In the credits, after "best boy grip" and "assistant to the associate director," does it say "dishwasher" or "Kitchen Bitch?" It should. But, since we live in P.C. corporate America, they probably have a fancy title like "kitchen reclaiming specialist" or "utensil technician." How demeaning. Do they take these jobs hoping to get their "big break?" Do they secretly cook stuff on the side, in between takes, and then go give it to Rachel to sample--the same way aspiring Hollywood actors give "scripts" to Harrison Ford and Quentin Tarantino when they do demeaning jobs on movie sets?

3. And speaking of which, Rachel Ray's 30 minute meal show is a lie--you have to factor in the time involved in cleaning up everything. It takes me longer to clean the whole kitchen that it does to cook . . .

4. At a conference a few weeks ago, the lecturer said "let's just put this issue on the 'proverbial back burner' until we come back from lunch." Obviously, the speaker said "proverbial" to indicate that they were well aware that they were using a cliche statement--on purpose. They do this so they dont look stupid and shallow for using overdone expressions. However, isnt that whole phrase--namely, saying "proverbial" before you say a cliche statement--also becoming cliche as well? I'm just throwing in my proverbial "two cents" on the matter . . .

5. I love when people spell things for me over the phone, and have to dignify each letter by attaching it to its own word--for clarification purposes. "My name is JARED . . .thats J as in Jason, A as in apple, R as in race car . . .and so on. I dont know why I think this is so funny. I guess its because there are certain letters that, inherently, always are attached to the same word. For example, the letter L always seems to be "as in Louis," the letter A always seems to be "as in apple (or Adam)," and the letter S always seems to be "as in Sam." Do you disagree with me? One time, a person used the word he was trying to spell to symbolize the first letter: "Yes me name is Horatio . . .that is "H" as in "Horatio," "O" as in "October . . . ." Etc. Whats the point of that? You can't say "H" as in Horatio if that is the word you are trying to spell. That defeats the whole purpose . . ..ya know?

6. Is a person "struggling" with something (school, work, life, marraige, coloring) if they a) dont realize it and b) dont give a crap anyway? Are they still "struggling?" We like to use that phrase a lot.

7. What's the deal with this surging "bathroom elitism?" Signs everywhere say things like NO PUBLIC RESTROOM, etc. Come on! Stop being so cocky (no pun intended). Let's all just join together in this fight against our bladders--EVERY PERSON in the world has to pee . . .let's help each other out for crying out loud. The fact that some people are so possessive of their bathrooms really speaks to the state of our humanity, actually. I believe it is morally and ethically wrong to keep people from going pee . . . .or CHARGING THEM MONEY like the McDonalds in Fanueil Hall marketplace does. You have to buy something from them if you want to use their bathroom. How friggin disrespectful is THAT?? Having to go the bathroom--and not having anywhere to go--has to be one of the worst feelings in the world. ONce when I was hiking with Thurston, I had to go the bathroom SO BAD (at 4A.M. no less) that I just ran into a Cumberland Farms in Manchester, Maine (because it was the only thing open). After I came out of the bathroom, at 4:04, the woman asked me if she could help me. No, I explained, I just was using the restroom. Then, she scowled at me "well thats not a public restroom you know!" To which I replied "well it is now." It was one of my more memorable lines.

DONT BE A BUTTHOLE WITH YOUR BATHROOM

8. My Powder

9. "He's such a nice guy . . .in fact, I dont think he has a mean bone in his body." What's all this talk about bones? Why, all of the sudden, are they somehow responsible for the "meanness" or "niceness" of someone? If anything, the ligaments or tendons should get the credit, because without them, the bones cannot move in the first place. Furthermore, its not the bones that do the bad things . . .its usually the HANDS holding the gun or the knife or the can of mace. Since when did a bone ever hurt anyone? This is such a silly expression. But I love it anyway.

Winslow High School 107th Commencement

So tonight was graduation for all my seniors up here in Winslow, and now, at quarter past ten, I am finally home to blog about it . . .after a fun night of speaking, music, hugs, and picture taking.

Each year the senior class selects a faculty member to speak at the commencement exercises, and this year, for the fifth time in his tenure at Winslow, fellow blogger Mike Thurston (met) delivered a great speech making comparisons between "life" and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." He alluded to his own mom in the speech, describing how she was like the "black knight" (if you saw the movie, you'll get it) for the way she has bounced back from a stroke and a heart attack . . .and is now dealing with a rare, incurable form of cancer. The entire field house audience at Colby College (I would estimate about 6500 people come out for the Winslow High School graduation) gave her a standing ovation in the middle of the speech . . .it was a wonderful moment. Below, Mike Thurston, Sean Keenan (our athletic director) and yours truly sit in our "guests of honor" chairs up on stage. Mike and are going out now . . . . For the fourth time in as many years as I've been teaching at Winslow High School, the senior class has asked me to compose an original song to perform at the graduation exercise. And, as with each year, I am only more than honored to be considered to do this. As a songwriter, I have to say that it is extremely difficult to write these graduation songs, since they have to be "about" something . . .for me, songwriting is about seeing what develops when you just sort of play with words and melodies, and usually I dont have any real "goal" in mind such as "this song is going to be about unicorns or greed or underpants" or something like that. But its a great workout for my brain, and I enjoy the honor and the challenge. This year's song was called "The World's All Right For Love," and it was written as a "combination" song, meaning that it is about graduating and entering the world of adulthood . . .but it also is about me in the sense that I am about to enter something completely new and challenging as well: Parenthood. Amanda recorded the song I performed tonight, and I have to say (and trust me, I am always way too self critical) that it came out beautifully--mostly due to Scott, the Colby sound man, with whom I've developed a good relationship with over the past four years. He always gets me sounding fantastic (well . . .speaker and microphone-wise anyway. . .hehe). But the song went well, and hopefully the lyrics touched some of the seniors . . . . Maybe we'll try to post the video online somehow.

After the ceremony, it is all about "picture time" and getting photos taken with "former" students. It is awesome to congratulate them, say goodbye and good luck, and get some closure with a good picture. We didnt stay too long this year, since I wanted to get Amanda home to lie on the couch, but we did get some good pictures to post:



Me and my student Sarah. She came a long way this year, battling constant migraine headaches that landed her in the hospital. A great kid. I also posted this picture because my dentist (and father of my student Matt), Dr Farrell, is sneaking his way into the picture (to the left of Sarah's head). I love when that happens in pictures. Years ago, you had to wait to develop the pictures and see what kinds of "surprises" lay in store . . .but with digital its all instant gratification.

Here I am with Meryl McClellan and her father. A sweet girl, and one of the top three best writers I had this year. Easily one of the nicest and most caring students in the school--I know that sounds cliche, but it really is true. She's a very popular girl, yet she both reaches out to and connects with everyone. Very genuine, and truly a class act. Plus, she goes to the pub a lot with her dad, and I see her there (she gets soda . . .) My student Cory, who is interesting because his girlfriend sees the same midwife we see, and she is due a few days after Amanda. So, as I keep telling him, "I'll see you at Thayer Hospital on Friday." Let's see if I am right . .. .I can't wait for my son to arrive!!!!!
Its nights like this when I feel like I have the best job on the planet . . . .

Mr. Goldsmith and other things...

Hi everyone. Amanda here.

Tonight Jared and I went over to Winslow High School for the senior Class Night. I love going to functions at Jared's school because I am so proud of everything that he does as a teacher. He has a wonderful rapport with his students and I love watching him interact with them. You can tell that they really respect him as a teacher, but also feel comfortable with him enough to joke around and be friendly. Here he is with some of his senior guys. I don't know who they are. I think Jared looks really handsome. He will make his son proud, I know.


Jared got a special recognition tonight because, for the 4th year in a row, he has written a song for the senior class and will perform it at graduation. The class officers presented him with this 'Tour' poster, which one of them made. It has great pictures of Jared performing, a picture of him and his co-worker and friend Dave with Slugger the SeaDog, and even a picture of he and I at his last concert.

When we got home, guess who was sitting in the dining room window waiting for us? Thomas is so cute... he looks so little sitting in that window!

Last night I baked some bread. I have been wanting to ever since we went to the Collier House Bed and Breakfast in Bar Harbor. The owner, George, baked this incredible bread every morning. It took a ton of willpower for Jared and I to not eat the whole loaf. I finally took the time to start making my own bread and my plan is to bake some every week for sandwiches and and toast (it is so good toasted with butter!). My first loaves turned out pretty good, so Jared tells me. I guess it might be true, considering that the first loaf is already almost gone and I just baked them last night.

In closing, the Bean is moving around A LOT right now as I'm writing this blog. Could he be getting ready to make his grand entrance? (Or exit?) I hope so!

Jared's 30th-Pictures

About 28 years ago, at the home of Nana and Papa Goldsmith . . .Jared enjoyed a prime rib bone in his booster seat . . .Apparently, a lot has changed . . . What a great cake from Hillman's! A fishing scene where the guy was catching a salmon RIGHT in the middle of the cake. Awesome! We'll keep the man and the fish and the trees for the bean's cakes . . .

Hey . . .who is that creeping up behind me?? Oh hi . . .its me, George . . ..
T-Minus 5 days . . .could this be the last picture you see of Amanda in her pregnant glory? She is due on Friday!!!!! There would have been a picture of me on the phone with Emma when she called to wish me a happy birthday, but apparently we're not as "down" as I thought, since that never happened. Oh well. Maybe for my 40th . . .(wah wah wah)