Meanderings 73

First, please enjoy some Maira faces, expressions, and postures from Jackson's party. (Sidenote: This afternoon when I picked Callum up from Grenda's, he starts whining to me: "Daddy, I dont WANT to go home....I want to go back to Jackson's house RIGHT NOW and stay FOREVER and EVER"

1. "United we stand, divided we fall" is a load of crap, and I can give you two good reasons: Camera tripods and those cute church picnic races where you tie your leg together with a friend. Unite all the legs of a tripod, and your 800 dollar Cannon will fall right over...the legs NEED to be divided to work. Same with those one legged races...'uniting' you and your friend's leg together actually ENSURES that you will most likely fall. I bet, in congress, it was a liberal who coined this silly platitude...

2. We just "celebrated" cinco de mayo, which, although a Mexican holiday, is arguably the most American of all holidays. Here's why: Americans have completely bastardized it, stripping from it any meaning (of which they probably never had a clue in the first place). Americans have no idea why or what they are celebrating. It involves overeating at Margaritas. It involves an exorbitant amount of alcohol consumption. So, like I said, it is truly an American holiday. Within ten years, we'll probably exchange gifts or have a 'mascot.'

3. What is the most cliche "workplace song" you can think of? Isnt it funny how there are all these genres of music--blues, country, dub step, rock, folk, etc.....and now there is "workplace?" What does it take to be a "workplace" genre worth song? I think it needs two things: First of all, it needs to be an incredibly overplayed song. Second, during the initial recording of the song, drums in the shape of octagons must have been used. The two most cliche work songs I can think of off the top of my head are "Walkin on Sunshine" and "Baby Hold Onto Me (whatever will be will be)" by Eddie Money. Or Rabbit. Or some Eddie guy.

4. If bologna is affectionately called "ghetto steak," then the candy equivalent needs to be "MaryJanes." These pieces of crap even fall below Bit O Honeys on the candy-archy. Am I wrong? Has anyone ever had an experience where they could unwrap a MaryJane with no problem? Without part of the wrapper sticking to the candy? The factory where MaryJanes are made obviously has their thermostat set too high, and this is why the candy constantly melts into the wrapper. Mary Janes: The redheaded stepchildren of candy....

5. The Kentucky Derby is the most exciting 1:48 in sports. Is any sporting event shorter than this? Well, actually, when Mike Tyson fought Michael Spinx perhaps.....

6. Steeplechase is the only sport that humans and horses share in common....

7. The term "popcorn chicken" has completely outsourced "chicken nugget" or even "chicken finger," right?

8. Think about this: If mono means ONE and poly means MANY, then that means a MONOgamous person is married to one person, and a POLYgamist is married to more than one. Isnt it funny then that a polygamous person is more likely to get the 'disease' MONO, since you get MONO from kissing a POLY amount of people? Yes? What? Shut up you say? Okay.

9. This month's "Taste of Home" cooking magazine has a headline on the front that reads "Italian with an attitude." I'm just throwing this out there: Does 'anything' involving Italian 'need' more attitude? I am gonna say it is fine already. yes? What? Shut up you say? Allrightythen.