Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Feeling Scroogeish.....


Only about two things though....

Each year, these two things bother me immensely when we enter the holiday season.

The first one is simple

Can we NOT have any more commercials (television, radio, or otherwise) when the trite advertising spokesperson says "It might be cold outside, but inside at (insert lame business name here) the deals are really heating up." So, can we just not have any more of those things?

Second, can people who used to be famous (or people who are just hanging on by a string) please stop making Christmas albums? Making a Christmas album has literally become the kiss of death--the swan song--of any music professional who thought they had any chance left in the world. When Norm McDonald hosted weekend update for Saturday Night Live, one of his funniest lines of all time came when Kenny G (the soprano sax guy with the jerry curls, in case you forgot) came out with a Christmas album. His line, and I quote: "In other news, Kenny G has just released his first Christmas album......happy birthday Jesus, hope ya like crap!" I cant do the brilliant timing he had, but you get the picture....

And if you ARE going to make a Christmas album, for crying out loud dont try and write a new Christmas song! We have enough already. Period. There's a reason they're called CLASSICS people. There's nothing you can do that will sound remotely original, endearing, or even slightly sentimental, and if you want proof of that, go look up (dont buy it!) Neil Diamond's current Christmas song, mysteriously called "Cherry Christmas." One line I heard in the song is "I hear beauty in the sound of children laughing...." Come on. Neil Diamond might be a nice guy and all, but that is just lame. I bet Neil Diamond hates kids. I bet he despises them, even. And to further drive my point home, do you think any of these rich, spoiled, talentless morons even know a thing about the true beauty of Christmas about which they sing? I dont need Mariah Carey telling me how important family is at the holidays, and I dont need Neil Diamond to finally put in perspective how beautiful it is to hear kids laugh. Go cash your checks and leave the radio alone.

Except for Sting. He has a Christmas album out, and I bet it kicks ass.

5 comments:

belle said...

Sting always kicks ass no matter what his album.......

That's one Christmas album I'm looking forward to

Anonymous said...

u rock belle!

Unknown said...

Diamond being Jewish is also a funny side note to this.

Ortiz said...

Hi Tim.

Unknown said...

Hey Ortiz!