A Generation of addiction, selfishness, and theft

(More from my VERY convoluted mind....)

Do we need to look towards the video games that plague local Wal Mart shelves? Is it the fact that every other adolescent is labeled as having Asperger's or Autism? Have we been permanently tainted by the previous eight years of totalitarian dictatorship under the Bush administration? Is it because we havent had a real WAR fought on US soil since 1812, and thus we are spoiled? What exactly is wrong with my generation (and the current one, for that matter?) Why are we all addicts? Why do we have no empathy or compassion for other people? The answer, I have figured out, lies not in any of the aforementioned precepts.....but, rather, in the spokescreatures for our most dear snacks, cereals, and comfort foods. Forget Copenhagen and all this pretend global warming stuff (isnt there a blizzard there right now in Copenhagen?). We need a task force to arrest these awful role models. Send them to the isle of misfit toys, mascots, or wherever you send things like this; they have corrupted our youth and taught them that it is okay to steal and be an addict! Arrest that leopard!

(but seriously....look at the trends here with 80s, 90s, and current advertising mascots...especially with cereal!)

COOKIE CRISP CEREAL: The mascot is a hardcore criminal, wearing black and white striped prison garb, complete with a burglar's mask. He is obviously addicted to the cereal, and will quit at no lenghts to get the cookies.

CHEETOS: Chester "the molester" Cheetah is a liar, a cheat, and a manipulator of our youth. Sure he pretends to be your friend, but he's just interested in getting his hands on your salty snacks. At the end, he steals the cheetos, usually after a festering, dare-devlish attempt to abscond with them....this is always followed by "the cheese that goes......crunch." I blam rape on Chester Cheetah

TRIX: Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids. COME ON! Give the bunny some love...he's been reproducing like its going out of style, and he needs to replenish the goods. This poor rabbit devises all kinds of dishonest schemes to get what he wants....dressing up like a little girl, hiding, and the list goes on. What is this teaching our kids? Kids will think its okay to dress in drag in order to score some blow.....

SCOOBY DOO: Obviously a drug addict who will do anything for a "snack." PLUS, the only reason he WILL do anything is because he knows he'll get something in return--some kind of free reward. He has no work ethic. No sense of pride for just doing a job for the job's sake... Welcome to liberal-run America, Scooby.

FRUITY PEBBLES: Barney and Fred and biffles....yet Fred STILL gotta be 'buggin on the fruity snacks. Is it okay to be selfish and withhold things from your friends? According to Fred Flintsone it is. And what a glutton! He wants to eat everything! Have you seen the side of brontosaurus he orders at the drive-in during the opening credits? No wonder he didnt live to see the Paleolithic age....his gluttony killed him! Share with your friends boys and girls....no matter what Fred Flintstone does. Plus, Betty Rubble was way hotter than Wilma, so you should naturally align yourself with Barney. Girls wearing bones in their hair turn me off.

THE HAMBURGLER: Probably invented by the weirdos over at PETA, as some kind of consolation prize for the fact that McDonalds rules the fast food world. Again, we see a hardened criminal, willing to do anything possible to get what he wants. And he usually does get caught. For stealing hamburgers. And he's white. So what kind of racial stereotyping is that? I demand satisfaction! We glorify people like this..."he is so cute," they say, "he is in the joint for stealin' burgers....but its all good!"


COOKIE MONSTER: Callum's favorite, and a damn funny character. But, in addition to overindulging in cookies, he is just plain rude and crazy to everyone with whom he comes in contact. I've noticed this as I watch clips on sesamestreet.org. He has very little patience, focus, or compassion for anything UNLESS, somewhere on his itinerary, is the option to eat cookies. In one skit, he even assumes, because he is hungry, that the cute little girl with the egg sandwich will feed him. Sending kids the wrong message!

Let's have a summit or an accord or a focus group or whatever else these idiots in Washington do when they want to ruin America.....