I'm such a baby.....(a reflection)

A rare family photo of the Goldsmiths (usually there is no one to take the picture!). Note the new "Newcastle Brown Ale" beer towel (from England) Amanda got me for Christmas....Former student Meryl stopped by on her break from college--Callum took NO TIME to warm up to Meryl. He last saw her during her last winter break. She is so great with kids--she has such grace and gentleness and Callum just loves her.
Callum kept bringing out book after book after book for Meryl to read to him. And he loved showing off his trains....
Callum's new favorite game: He stands on my stomach and jumps up and down to the rhythm of the "jingle bells" song from Elmo. He sings it as he jumps.

I figured out something about myself today while cross country skiing off the Quarry Road in Waterville: I am a total wuss. I am actually a very fearful person; and I dont mean "emotionally" either (well, that too, I am sure). I have a real tangible fear of both heights and speed. And this is funny, since I consider bicycling to be my most favorite thing in the world--gunning it down a steep hill on a road bike can garner speeds of up to 50+ MPH (unless, like me, you ride the brakes down the hill, evening out at a peaceful 27-30MPH. Why am I so afraid? I've never had any type of traumatic experience (well, Anthony, there WAS that time at Attitash......). I mean, I just recently fell of my bike for the first time this past September, and I have been afraid of speed and heights long before that. So maybe I need past life regression therapy....or hypnosis.....or just a couple of beers.

Skiing has become, as of late, a close second to bicycling for an outdoor activity I love to do the most. I've always said there are two types of people in this world: XC skiers, and downhill skiers. Downhill folks like to bask in the thrill of the moment; they live quickly and they love instant gratification. Or so I thought. XC skiers, on the other hand, love to "take life in," and go slowly, observing all the beauty of the moments that make up our lives. Except, for me, XC is nothing like that. First of all, it is hard work and my legs and hips kill. Second, you go pretty damn fast down some of the heavily packed down, quasi icy trails. And when you get to an actual HILL (and I say "hill" in a relative sense, since we are talking about central Maine here....this isnt the White Mtns.) you go pretty fast. And this absolutely terrifies me. Cross country skiing is, for me, the perfect nightmare of height and speed--both are whisked together in a sort of cardiovascular omelet. I am skiddish, slow, and fearful when I ski. I even fall once in a while (on the flat parts, even). And I have no grace whatsoever.

But I love being out on my skis.

Even when I am with friends or around people, I can't seem to "man up" and play the part of a fearless, typical "guy." I am an unabashed scaredy cat, and even when getting to a hill and my friend says to me "come on Jared....just snowplow down....its nothing at all....you can do it," I still take off my skis and walk down the hill. Why is this? Any psychologists out there?

But all these thoughts came to fruition this afternoon when I realized how easy the trails actually are, and how silly I must look to others. The Quarry Road trails are beautiful, pristine, well groomed, and heavily used by both novice and expert skiers. In fact this afternoon there were a few groups of lessons going on--everyone from Colby students to 6-7 year old hooligans were getting lessons on how to "squat and reach" when going downhill....and how to "skate-ski," and a bunch of other stuff. Maybe I should take some lessons. The kids were learning the correct technique (I've never been a fan of technique in any facet of my life....i.e. formal music lessons). And, suddenly, while walking down a semi-steep hill in a beautiful pine forest, a half dozen 3rd graders came absolutely WIZZING by me....not a traceable iota of fear on any of their red, snotty faces. Such grace. I dont know--maybe I'm just doing it wrong.