Meanderings 29 (which is my current age, too)

1. The two coolest jobs in the world would be the guy who comes up with names for paint (shaker beige, buxton blue, evening shadow, cinnamon essence, etc) and a children's book title giver. I dont want to WRITE the books . . .I just want to NAME them. I think it would be fun, and I'd be sure to totally pump them full of innuendos, insinuations, and double ententres that would really bring a smile to the faces of the parents who read them--"Who's got crabs? Do you have crabs?," or "The Puppy Slut," or "The Biggest, Juiciest, Plumpest Pickle at the Fair" or "Let's go to work with: A Sausage Stuffer" (the last one would be part of an ongoing series teaching kids about different types of jobs).

2. I am getting tired of kids and poetry contests, because I dont have the heart to tell them they're being duped by a corporation, I run out of things to say about (yet another) their comparison of love to a floodstage river, and the companies who run these contests should be ashamed of themselves. They are playing with kid's hearts and souls, and they tell young poets that if they enter "their contest" they might have their poem picked to be published in their "anthology" (which mysteriously never shows up at any bookstore . . .). The kicker is that EVERY poem is picked . .. .every single cliche, saltine, and uninspired poem is put in this anthology, so then the kids who are published will all BUY one and show their teachers and say "hey look . . .I am a published poet . . .I must be pretty good." It really is a mean thing to do to kids, and its a really dishonest way to make money . . .

3. I've gotten email forwards for e-hugs, e-greetings, e-cards, e-smiles, e-kisses, and e-coli. But I've never gotten an "e-tickle." Have you? Has anyone ever gotten an e-tickle? I think that is what's missing from the world: e-tickles. WIll someone send me an e-tickle for crying out loud, so I can die a happy man!!!

4. Speaking of which, have you ever noticed that any crappy "made in China" product can have "e" or "i" or "q" (in lowercase letters) next to it, and we stupid Americans will probably buy it because we think its hi-tech or cutting edge? Things with e's or i's, we assume, are the latest rage, and must be top of the line? Think about the iFit qGrill or eMusic products. What a deceptive advertising gimmick. How about the iKotex or the q-blender or the eTack (a thumbtack, of course). You could make millions just by putting a lowercase letter in front of your product. How silly.

5. What's the deal with complicated vegetarians? If you are vegetarian, it seems pretty simple to me: eat vegetables only. I can't stand this "well I"m a vegetarian, but I eat beef products" or "I've been a vegetarian for years, but I still eat dairy and chicken." Why do we need to linguistically mark ourselves by what we eat? Is it a confidence thing? Just make up your mind--if you are a vegetarian, fine, but dont tell your whole life story for crying out loud. Just say, "no, I wont have any broiled muppet today, thanks." No subtext please. I dont care.

6. "That car could stop on a dime!" What's the deal with that? We have amazing technology in the car industry today--virtually everything is digital and controlled by a computer . . .things that cost thousands of dollars. Yet we still use something that costs ten cents as the paradigm of how well a car can stop. How did a dime get chosen? Why not a penny? Its the same size pretty much. For a savings of 9 cents per "test," they could have accomplished the same thing. I wonder if those 10 cents get added on the bottom line of what we pay for a car at a dealership . . .

7. Beef, Chicken, and Pork seems to be the three standard meats that make up the American diet. Kind of funny if you think about it. Why these three? How did they get chosen? Was their a contest? I dont really have anything else to say about it, but its funny if you consider it for a second. Other countries eat deer, dog, buffalo, bison, etc. as their staple meat. How did we pick these three (relatively) cute animals for everything?

8. For earth day last week, the Red Sox made this huge deal out of how "green" they were, and how they were so committed to saving the environment and using sustainable resources. To show how committed they are, all the players wore BRAND NEW uniforms with a "recycle/earth day" patch on their sleeve. This was the only time they will ever wear this uniform. Very sustainable. No waste of cotton or other resources there . . .I love it when humongous corporations like the Red Sox, Wal Mart, and more try to pretend that they give a crap about the environment. They really shouldnt try . . .I mean, we're still going to love the sox and idiots are still going to shop at Walmart no matter what they do. . .so stop jumping on the bandwagon

9. Desecrating a Red Sox cap (or any sports team really . . .I just happen to love the sox) is like desecrating the flag of the Unites States, as far as I'm concerned. The sox have a navy blue hat with a red "B" on it for a reason, and this should be respected. I'm tired of the "pink heads" as my friends and I call them (twenty somethings girls who wear pink sox hats and go to the game because they think Ellsbury is hot but really cant even tell you where the pitcher's mound is or who scored the "last touchdown . .hehe"). I'm also tired of the green red sox hats. I am Irish, but just because the Sox play in Boston doesnt mean they are automatically Irish. And there is no reason for the green. Or the brown. Or any of that stuff. Its disrespectful. Do you take an American Flag and make the stripes green and orange for St Patricks day? Or do you make it pink and light blue for the Easter or early spring season? No. It is what it is. That being said, I have a "red" red sox hat. But I am awesome and cool so shut up.

10. Here are a few more things white people love (inspired by the blog stuffwhitepeoplelike that Timmy showed me). White people love "causes" involving diseases, and we love "saving 10%" by using a "friends and family" coupon at a store. Thats all.

A little getaway

A few weeks ago, Amanda surprised me with a short little getaway up to Bar Harbor and Acadia National Park. Its our favorite place in the world, but with everything going on lately, I never got around to posting pictures of our little adventure. Amanda has been having some trouble sitting for long periods of time, and she was experiencing swelling in her feet and ankles, so she thought a weekend away at a luxurious bed and breakfast, combined with some short walks around the park would do the trick. We stayed at the Collier House, in the Town Hill section of Bar Harbor, and we will most definitely be yearly regulars--perhaps with some kranthonies and melathans. Because of the off season, we got a super duper deal with the "early spring special," which got us an antique laden room in a refurbished carriage house that sported amenities like a private porch overlooking a pond, a fireplace, and a hot tub. Not to mention, George Clemens and his wife (the innkeepers) concoct a mouthwatering and completely homemade gourmet breakfast each morning. Below is a picture of the bathroom with the hot tub and the fireplace right across from it. The midwife told us Amanda could take a tub for 20 minutes at a time, so we did just that. I drank a delicious imported German Heff, and Amanda sipped on a "Stewarts" grape soda. Also, I rubbed her swollen feet. TMI.
The view from standing in the living room and looking out at the cute little pond. Unlike the busy downtown of Bar Harbor (which dont get me wrong, is very nice) the Collier House was off in the woods . . ..
Ahh . . .a day in the park. We pretty much had it to ourselves. We took a walk on the "Shore Path," which is a relatively flat trail skirting around the coast off the park loop road. Usually, we do some cool hikes like the Precipice, Dorr Mountain, or Uncle Touchy's tantalizing cupcake revue trail, but since Amanda was 8 months pregnant, we stuck to the basics. She walked four miles, however. I think it did her legs and feet good. Below is the approach to Otter Rocks, which is the MIL's favorite place in the park. She likes to go there with her folding chair, 13 or 14 junkie mysteries, and just read by the surf while George picks up the latest Clive Cussler book at the Dorcas Library in Winter Harbor . . .

Isnt it beautiful? CT and MASS people would love it here . . .
Yummy Faces! BBQ time. To make a long story short, the Atlantic Brewing Company (purveyors of Bar Harbor Blueberry Ale and Island Ginger) has a terrific BBQ establishment (albeit possessing the cliche moniker of "Mainley Meat"). However, they are closed until May 22. This barbecue is legendary is Winslow High School lore, as a few years ago, on our camping trip during a monsoon, 13 or 14 weary English, Social Studies, and Spanish instructors found solace in Mr. Meat's 16 foot smoker (thats what she . . .). I knew I HAD to eat at this place. Well, lo and behold, due to its popularity, Mr. Meat opened up a year round little stand in downtown Bar Harbor. The wife and I indulged, of course, consuming mass quantities of ribs, chicken, pulled pork, and frozen egg rolls from Sam's Club. Its worth the hour and a half drive for the food!
Lastly, here is "Seawall," named such for the unique beach where, over time, the angry tide has thrown up hundreds of thousands of cold, smooth, Atlantic stones onto the coast, creating a large, enduring "seawall" of rocks. Its a pretty neat geological feature, Johnny C. As a point of interest, Amanda and I sat on these very rocks and wrote our wedding vows to each other. Its a beautiful, quiet, and not-often-visited place . . .perfect for a picnic, a beer, or wedding vows. Oh, and I forgot to mention--the bed and breakfast was only 79 bucks a night! You cant even stay at the Crapaday Inn for that little coin! A great weekend. An AWESOME weekend, in fact. Our last little getaway as a married couple well, until, probably ever. Things are going to start to get interesting in the next few weeks . . ..

Mass. Baby Shower!!

Its Sunday night, and we just got back from a weekend in Massachusetts where my mom and sister threw Amanda a baby shower. That makes two showers for Ms. Sally Piles and the bean, and needless to say, people have been OVERLY generous to us. We got to see some family we havent gotten to see for some time, and even some of my hometown friends showed up to the affair. Below is a picture of a radiant Amanda and my high school friend Danielle. Danielle was my first "date" when I was a freshman and I asked her to the "dinner dance." Also interesting was how, two years ago, I married her and her husband Ed--in Mass. you can apply for a "weekend permit" to be a Justice of the Peace . . .I had to get all kinds of letters of recommendation attesting to my character, and they did a background check on me. Obviously they didnt read the letters or the background check, since they let me do it. Wah wah wah . . .
Auntie KK and Uncle Twon have been amazing in the way they did lots of cool stuff for the shower (they invented these chocolate covered marshmallow stick candies called "Chelsea's Chocolates) and in the way they have already spoiled their unborn nephew rotten with clothes, books, and other interesting stuff. Below, Ortiz gives Twon the "birds and the bees" talk.
So do we have a lot of stuff? We have taken the gifts from Amanda's two showers and just put them in the downstairs guest room (Thomas's room) so we can "move in" fresh to the baby's room this week. There is more stuff on the other side of the room, not to mention all of his books have been moved upstairs already, and his stroller and car seat are out in the breezeway . . .
On the invitation to the shower, my mom and sister wrote a poem about how the wife and I love books so much, and they invited each guest to bring their favorite childhood book to be put in a special basket on the fireplace. So, we ended up with A LOT of wonderful books. These are the things I get truly excited about! Below is another picture of his growing library collection. There are more books that arent on that shelf. Check out the cool "train" bookends KK and Twon gave the bean . . . .they are made by a company called "Montgomery Trains" in Vermont, and they are all handmade from solid maple. They have a plan to, each year, give the little boy another "piece" of the train . . .in addition to being beautiful and functional, they are also collector's items.
Daddy-to-be even got a special gift from the bean . . .he knows me so well already!! I got the complete first season of THE SMURFS, which, if you know me at all, you know is my all time favorite cartoon. I used to watch them with my dad on Saturday mornings, and I am sure I will start to watch them with the little guy when he is old enough to appreciate the best that animation has to offer. Thanks Bean!! What a great gift! P.S. Check out the Favry blog for more pics and info on this weekend's shower!

An afternoon on the Sandy . . .

First of all, Time Warner sucks, and we havent had one day so far when everything worked. Every hour, it seems, either the phone, cable, or net doesnt work. The guy is coming Friday. Between 8 and never o'clock.

I took a break from all the yard work and wood splitting I've been doing, and joined my friend Dave for a canoe trip up on the Sandy River in Norridgewock. Jen, his wife, dropped us off at a "put in" in Norridgewock, and then, a couple of hours later, she picked us up when we landed the boat in Madison--all in all, we did about a 7 mile trip, and the water was HIGH and the current was STRONG! Usually, the Sandy is pretty shallow and clear . . .with a sandy, visible bottom. Today was different, as the feet upon feet of snow melted into the river, raising the water level and increasing the speed of the water. It was a beautiful afternoon (high 70's) to be on the water, and I can't believe its gotten so nice so fast here in Maine. We're being spoiled. Below, check out a bend in the river. Notice there is still a bit of snow on the banks. As early as this past Monday, Dave still was able to snow shoe in his field. The river below is the mighty Kennebec. The Sandy dumps itself into the Kennebec river, and we needed to cross the Kennebec to reach our rendezvous point (sounds very "special forcesish" doesnt it??). This was interesting. The Kennebec, a MUCH bigger river than the Sandy, was crazy, fast, and high. And we had to paddle across from the other side. Against the current. It was fun though, and this was one of those rare trips where I actually WORE my life jacket, versus just keeping it by my side in the canoe. The picture below is where we actually landed the canoe.

After the trip we went back to Dave's house. He lives on a beautiful piece of land (I think its like 60 acres or so). Jen's parents also live on the land, just down the dirt road. Dave, Jen, their sons, and Jen's parents all do maple sugaring in the early spring. Below is the sugar house Jen's mother built (he's a master carpenter). Amanda and I have been over a couple of times while they've been boiling down the sap into maple syrup. Its great to sit by the fire, talk, and sample some delicious syrup.
The white barrel off to the right is a sap bucket, and, during the maple season, these jugs are full of sap. The sap is then poured into the tray you see on top of the wood stove, and its boiled down until syrup is rendered. It takes 40 gallons of sap to make 1 gallon of syrup! Ortiz: this is where your syrup comes from!
Lastly, we took a walk down to Dave's trout pond. Dave, a brilliant fly fisherman, had this pond "made" in back of his house; he keeps it stocked with Brook Trout, and he goes down to feed them each evening. He doesnt fish for them or eat them--he just likes to admire the beauty of these unique fish. The pond is pretty neat . . .its spring fed, and he's made a dam on the other side to keep the water intact. Behind the bridge is one of the many trails that traverse the property. All in all a great spring day! I came back home, did some errands, put up a clothesline for Sally, split and stacked some wood, and had a little brush fire in our firepit. Now I am tired. Have a good night all.

Meanderings 28

1. They are building a new prison in Maine, and, since there isnt much to report in Maine, the prison gets a good deal of press. What's funny about this is how I got to thinking that, with each major municipal or statewide piece of construction, there is a good deal of fanfare when its done. For example, the town of Winslow had an open house night for residents to come check out the "new school," people flocked to this state of the art bridge going over the Penobscot River in Bucksport Maine, and citizens get excited about new libraries, enriched with the latest in technology. But there's never any fanfare or excitement about the completion of a prison . . .possibly for the reason that if its "cool," then they did it wrong . . .because prisons arent supposed to be "cool." I'd hate to be the architect in charge of designing a "state of the art" prison, because, as one might ask, ARE prisons supposed to "be" state of the art? Arent they supposed to be miserable places? The designers must walk a very fine line. And, when this new prison is done, will there be a ceremony or a celebration? Will people walk through and say "oh wow . . .this looks fantastic . . .I love the color of the walls . . .ooh . . .the mess hall is lovely?" Because, if they say any of those things, then as a taxpayer I'd be pissed. Because nothing should look good.

2. I love jazz lately--in fact, in the past few months, I've been pretty much listening to exclusively jazz. I find it so ironic that jazz is credited with being the one "true American" music genre (rock, classical, celtic, and others can be traced back to different countries) "invented and created" in America. National Geographic did a terrific story about it last year, about how "jazz" is so "innately American." The reason I find this ironic is because the culture of jazz was born because people, from other countries, were being oppressed and enslaved. In America.

As Americans, we are so pompous and stupid (we're the same idiots who made Bush president, dont forget) that we fail to realize that the only true "American" music exists only because we were so mean to black people from Africa, that they dealt with their angst, sadness, and frustration through song--African folk . . .gospel . . .early blues . . .and all the ingredients we now call JAZZ. The ultimate, true, organic American music. Idiots.

3. To further substantiate the notion that we, as Americans, are not the smartest bunch, consider the fact that the most popular sport (statistically) in the U.S. is Nascar. We watch cars drive around in circles. Again. And again. But I wont get into that, since someone like Randy (Hi Randy!) will write about all the skill and technique and strategy involved in the racing. Okay. I can buy that. But what about "drag racing?" In this "sport," two guys in cars shaped like penises (coincidence??) line up side by side on a completely straight quarter mile track; there is no steering involved. The green light flashes, and the guys basically "floor it" for the 10 seconds it takes them to drive down the strip. Then these parachute things come out and they slow down. What kind of skill does it take to be a drag racing "driver?" I mean, I'm probably being ignorant (as always), but it seems like anyone could do it. I was watching it the other day for a minute, and the announcer was saying things like "Johnson is one terrific young talent, and probably the best drag driver around today." How can you "not" be good? Unless you have a disease that keeps you from pressing your foot on a gas pedal for 10 seconds, you'd think that everyone would be fine . . . .

4. Did you ever notice how everything is either "more than you think," or "less than you think?" Similarly, most things, too, are also "closer than you think" or "farther than you think." Humans, obviously, are bad estimators.

5. On our way to Bar Harbor the other day, we were driving in back of a helmetless guy driving a motorcycle. His turn signal went on, and he turned into a chiropractor's office. What's the point, ya know? He obviously can't be that concerned about his neck. There's stupidness all around us. Everyone always asks how I come up with these "meanderings." Just look around.

6. On a placemat at a restaurant, I saw an advertisement for a plumbing company that also rents out portable toilets for "long term job sites and special occasions." Its just funny for me to think about needing a toilet for a "special occasion." I know they mean graduation parties, family reunions, etc, but isnt it just funny to picture someone having the conversation that goes like this: "This is SUCH a SPECIAL occasion . . .I think we need to rent a toilet." Fun.

7. The only American politician who "might" be even worse (or at least just as bad) as Bush would be Dick Cheney. He sucks, and I cant believe he isnt in jail, if I may be frank. In Shakespeare's "Richard III," everyone knows . . .it is a blatant fact actually . . .that Richard usurped the kingdom in an illegal and immoral way--but no one neither says nor does anything about it, since Richard is the "king." From this point on, I shall refer to Cheney as "Richard III," since, apparently, the same rules apply to him. What the hell does he even DO? Where is he? Besides securing no bid contracts for Haliburton, has he DONE anything as vice president? You never see him on the news. You never see him welcoming guests to the White House (dignitaries, the pope, the Red Sox, etc). Seriously. What is his point?

8. All politicians are dishonest, corrupt, and hypocritical for the reason that they are human. And that's not their fault. Its just the way it is. Ron Paul, a candidate running for president, has a pretty strong environmental stance. Ralph Nader, running on the "Green" party (an inherently environmental organization) is also planning on an 08 run for president. Yes, its true we live in a "democracy," and its great that anyone can run for president. But come on! Neither Paul, nor Nader have a snowball's chance in hell at even getting close to the nomination. They are SO concerned about the environment, yet they'll spend millions of dollars using paper, cardboard, and plastics (all things that are TERRIFIC for the environment) to advertise a useless campaign. They have NO SHOT, and they are wasting money and materials-- they are generating tons of trash and carbon emissions through their hypocrisy. So dont say you have a strong environmental stance.

9.We ate at a restaurant this past weekend, and when we got the check it had the amount (25.00) and then it said "THANKS, BILL," and I got confused, because I couldnt tell if our waiter's name was Bill, and he was thanking us, or if the check itself was being personified and thus thanking us itself. I still dont know, but I like it that way. There are so few mysteries in life.

Ready to move in . . .

Wow. This is the longest we've gone without writing a blog. A lot has been happening, and there is much to report. We've switched all of our technological stuff over to Time / Crapper, and so far it sucks. The Internet didnt work at first. The digital phone has a lot of white noise. The cable remote isnt programmed, so there is no way you can change the channel. So far, its totally worth it.

The Bean's room is all done and ready to become home to our little guy--the painting, sheetrocking touchups and even the cleaning is all done. All that remains is actually moving all his new little things into the space--right now they are downstairs in the guest room. Below you can see the corner of the room, one of his bureau's, and the built-in drawers and shelf. This gives you a good contrast between the wall and trim colors. The walls are "Buxton Blue," and the trim is "Shaker Beige."
Here's the side with the chimney. It is just BEGGING for him to hit his head on it, isnt it? Oh well. He'll learn when he starts walking, right? Maybe we should have him wear a helmet--they sell them at Babies R Us!! Note the little door on the right side: this leads into the crawl space (because the front side of the house is not dormered). I'm sure that by the time he is three or so he'll be exploring into the dark nooks and crevices of the house. I know I had fun when we first moved in . . .
And here is his bookshelf with most of his books (some new, some from mommy and daddy--bought before they ever thought about having him). On top of the shelf is a cool sign I bought him at a train show this winter (remember, his room theme is trains). At the bottom of the sign, you can notice a fuzzy/reflective little wooden train whistle we picked up in Bar Harbor at Sherman's Book store. We're so excited to start reading some stories to the bean. Well, we are off to Portland to take in a Seadog's game with the LaChapelle's. We didnt make it to a game last season, so we're looking forward to it. Sorry about the lack of entries (thats what she said) but I promise this will change! I am on vacation this week, and you can expect all kinds of good, useless crap from the dark recesses of my brain.

Two more days . . .

Until April Vacation. I can't wait. I have a bunch of spring projects lined up, like splitting the wood for next winter (I'm still burning the wood from this winter . . .it gets cold at night), raking the thrush and sand off the lawn, cleaning out the garage from clutter like firewood, insulation, and all kinds of other crap, and possibly putting some mulch down. Today I worked outside a little bit, and I am happy to say we can finally open our front door--the frost, although not "out" by any means, has gone down enough to allow me to fix the door. Its pretty messed up, but at least I can get in my own house now. I also swept out the sandbox that was Amanda's garage bay. My garage bay, if you remember, is filled with a cord of oak, so I park in our crappily down, ultra heaved driveway.

For the second day in a row, I came directly home from school and painted. I got the second coat on the trim in the baby's room done today, and tomorrow, with a little help, we'll get the second coat of the walls done. Then we can do touch ups, clean the floor, and start bringing in some of the Bean's new toys, books, and other logistical items. For as much as I hate painting, I have to say I find it very relaxing to paint, alone, while I listen to "All Things Considered" on NPR. Although, I have to admit, I get peeved at all the liberal hippy crap that goes on in this country. Also, I just continue to become more and more aware at how inept and antichrist-like our president is. FOR EXAMPLE: At the very beginning of Bush's "term," (I put that in quotations because he didnt "really" get elected) he rejected the Kyoto Treaty--a treaty that would have forced the U.S. to cut back on their greenhouse emissions, and thus made the U.S. a more responsible entity in the fight against global warming. Now, since the idiot is pretty much a lame duck, he's saying that we should, in fact, start to seriously consider cutting greenhouse emissions--now he says it, of course, because he's on his way out and he's done all his "dirty dealings" with the big businesses he's been in bed with for the past 8 years. Does he actually think the American people are that stupid that we dont realize what he's doing? He didnt want to help the environment before when he was president, since all of his friends (and Bush himself) were in big oil, etc. But now that he's leaving the presidency, he wants to make it difficult for other people to rape the earth as much as he has. How can any intelligent, moralistic American not think this guy is a total chode? Can you tell me that??

I bet he eats at Craparita's . . .

My Five Faves: Part 3 in a 10 part series

Today's list rates the top five best albums of all time. In my opinion anyway. I'd love to know your thoughts . . . .please leave a comment!
Amanda has Johnny Depp, and I have Allison Krauss. That's just the way it is. Amanda bought this album when we were first dating and I was visiting her family up in Maine during the winter of 2000-2001 (which, if you remember, was one hell of a snowy winter). While up in Maine for a long weekend, I would go to the chiropractor by myself, and I'd listen to this album as I drove through a beautiful Mt. Vernon/Readfield/Winthrop snowy landscape. When I hear this album, I think of Amanda and I's first winter, and it brings back great memories. Not to mention that the album itself is a perfect mixture of alternating "beautiful ballads" sung by Allison, and "wanky yanky" bluegrass performed by Union Station. A real listening treat. I should note, however, that Allison Krauss is BLUEGRASS, not country. Because I dont listen to country. I listen to music. Country sucks. Except Johnny Cash.
This album completely took everything I thought I knew about songwriting and lyricism . . .and hacked it to death with a pitchfork. Adam Duritz is perhaps, still, one of the best songwriters alive, in my opinion, for the way in which he abandons such cliché forms of the craft and writes lyrics full of rigity, unrhymedness, and bitter honesty—but somehow they fall like beautiful little Tetris pieces to form the shape of what a real song should be. He was a huge influence in my own songwriting, for he forced me to examine everything I thought I did that was “original.” Every one of the songs on this album is a gem; they are original and untainted. Listen to it in the rain, or while you are lying on your bed, alone, thinking about the “ones that got away.”
The most unlikely album on this list—I think I got it from one of those “CD Clubs” through Columbia House or something when, if you bought one CD a month, you got 432 CDs free. The funniest part of this whole album is how each song is, apparently enough, about a middle age man going through a divorce. Yet, somehow, they provided an exigence for a 20 year old UNH student (I know nothing about divorce . . .and hope to never have to . . .) but the lyrics are so blatantly sentimental that they appeal to anyone with a soul who has ever experienced loss. Burt is perhaps the most underrated songwriter of our time and, as a piano player, I can attest to the fact that his melodies are anything but ordinary, conventional chord structures. I often ask myself: what the hell was he thinking? Costello, who has a great voice, but never really garnered my interest, swoons beautifully on these romantic ballads

My roommates and I used to turn the dorm lights off, turn the black lights on, and simply lie down and listen to this album. And then we’d make out. No, but seriously, this album allows a complete listening experience. Radiohead really knows how to push boundaries and cross borders, while at the same time not seeming all “Brad Fasset” about it—that is, doing things simply to be unique or different . . . no matter how stupid or crappy you sound or look. What I love about this album is that not only do I "not" have a favorite song, but also I can't really, for the life of me, name the individual songs. Rather, the whole album is woven together seamlessly (pardon the cliche metaphor, but I really can't think of a better way to describe it). My parents used to say what was so appealing about the Beatle's "Sargent Pecker" was how each song "piggybacked" on the other. Such is the case for this album. Sometimes weird, sometimes creepy, sometimes triumphant, this album runs the gamete of emotions.
I would be willing to bet half the folks who read this blog havent even heard of Tom Waits. I swear I'm not trying to go all Fasset on you and just pick out an album for the sake of being different: this is one amazing album, and would probably be number one on my list. Tom Waits has two different types of songs: raspy-bronchitis laden barroom rants, and absolutely beautiful masterpieces. This album is all the masterpieces. Each song on the album is a jazzy, folky love song--with the exception of "Ice Cream Man" (Van Halen later popularized it, but he wrote it). The album was made in 1978--the year I was born--but, upon listening to it, you'd swear it could have been recorded last week. He was a major influence in my own songwriting, and some folks have told me I remind them of him. This album reminds me of my summers working for UNH Upward Bound, where I met some fantastic people who introduced me to the likes of Tom Waits, Wilco, Martin Sexton, and World Cafe. Thanks Randy, if you are reading this. . . .


HONORABLE MENTION:

Spacehog (the Canadian Import only)
High School Crapsical
"Uncle Touchy's mango festival favorites"
Jared Goldsmith "The 77 Sessions"
Rod Stewart-"Dirty Weekend"
Busboy Rebellion-"Urine College"
Busboy Rebellion-"Cheesecake Voyage"
That album that has "Butterfly kisses" on it . . . .

P.S. Today, finally, I can for the first time since the end of November say that our yard is completely snow-free. There was one big bank by our breezeway, but with the warm temps today, it is finally melted. Now if only all the heaving in the yard and driveway would go down! .

I can't find the picture . . .(actually I just did)

But we spent today painting the bean's nursery. Amanda and I started at around noon, and, shortly thereafter, Michelle came over to help us again. This was good for two reasons. One: Michelle is an excellent painter and perhaps the most organized person I know, yet she showcases her talent in such a calm and supportive way. Two: I am a complete jerk when I am forced to do something I hate, dont understand, or am not good at. Painting, for me, satisfies all three of these descriptors. I feel like I take out my frustration on Amanda when I am in this context (doesnt everyone do this with their spouse?), and having Michelle there really kept me in line.

At any rate, we got the room done . . .well the first coat anyway. It looks very, very nice, and it gives Sally and I hope that this will, soon enough, be an appropriate and cozy nursery for our little man. Thomas, of course, made his presence known by walking all around the wet paint, and taking advantage of the fact that the door from the crawl space had to be removed to be painted--he explored frontiers of the house once off-limits to him. Hopefully we'll finish the room this week so its not hanging over my head for the whole April vacation.

Speaking of which, this is the last week before April break. I've never said this, but I actually NEED this vacation. Its been a long, hard winter (and in some ways, its not over yet) and frankly I'm exhausted (a "parent" reading this is going to say 'well you dont even KNOW the meaning of exhaustion yet . . .just you wait'). But I really do need a chance to relax, regroup, and get work done before I begin what is sure to be a busy 4 or 5 weeks. After break, I see my classes for about 4 more weeks before finals start. That means, also, that after break, we can expect (possibly) the bean in 4 or 5 weeks too. Things are going to very quickly become interesting.

Surprise!

Hi. Amanda here.

So early last week Jared told me he had a surprise for me. It was scheduled to begin sometime on Friday evening and go through Saturday. Immediately I thought that maybe he was going to be taking me somewhere on an overnight trip; our last one, just the two of us, before the Bean arrives. That wasn't it. Apparently he gave me some clues. I was just clueless. See if you can make any sense of his three clues. Please keep in mind that he didn't tell me that these were the clues - he just did them and hoped I'd catch on:

1. He bought tulips and put them in a Salmon Falls Pottery vase.

2. Our last blog entry was entitled "I love lilacs"

3. He said he wanted to make an 'Adirondack' dinner....or something.

Well, I had no idea, but last night around 7:15 my best friend Andrea showed up in our driveway. It was the BEST surprise! I hadn't seen her since October when we went to see 'Wicked' in Boston. We had a really great time. First we took her to Governor's for dinner, then we sat by the fire and caught up. Andrea is a professional voice teacher and performer and I really like hearing about her concerts and performances that take place in the Boston area. Today we got up, had a great breakfast made by Jared, walked to Hillman's for some treats and we also made a trip to Agway (where we both got some bulbs to plant this year) and finally Big G's for a sandwich.

The best part was just spending time together. We don't get to see each other very often, so when we do it's really special. I am really blessed to have Andrea as my friend and I couldn't have asked for a better surprise... I hope that it's not another 5 months before we see each other again! Michael couldn't come this weekend - he has been working on his Master's degree at UNH this summer and he just found out that he won a grant to do some research down in Chile this summer. Congratulations, Michael! But we did get to talk to him on speaker phone and hear all about his funny vice principal and a student named AJ.

I can't really express in words how much Andrea's visit means to me. It seems like anything I write right now really doesn't sound good enough. So I'm going to end by just saying 'thank you' to Jared and Andrea for cooking up this little surprise. It really made me so happy!

I love Lilacs

About 89 % of the time, I am too arrogant, thickheaded, and obdurate to realize how great I have it. Amanda reminds me. I am lucky enough to spend my life with a woman completely unfluttered by material things, status, or social standing; she is happy to be alive, with me, no matter what we are doing. I only wish I could learn more from her. I have a surprise for her this weekend; its one she deserves, and one I know she needs. Its small, but meaningful. She has told me, and I believe every word of her, that the "surprise" I've been teasing her about all week could be something as simple as going to Gifford's for ice cream or taking a ride up to the Forks to watch the Kennebec--but it would still mean the world to her; money need not be involved. She's remarkably easy to please, and she sees the beauty and generosity in everything others do for her. I know this may sound corny to some, but for me, its my life. I have surprised Amanda with a 7 dollar bouquet of tulips, and an $XXXX.00 diamond ring . . .and she's shown the same appreciation and excitement just simply to be thought of.

That being said, Amanda will be getting a surprise tomorrow. What could it be? I guess we'll just have to wait. Or, just hang around Lynne for five minutes until she blurts it out. Just kidding Lynne.

Lastly, we had an appointment today; Amanda has gained 30 pounds, total, thus far. Irma, a really great midwife whom we met today, poked and prodded and found the little man's head--right where it was supposed to be at the bottom of the uterus. She let us both feel it . . .moreover, she pushed his little butt up so that his head bumped against our fingers. Amazing.

This blog is not meant to be preachy; but rather, its just the meanderings of a soon-to-be-30 young man who complains way too much about stupid minutia . . and fails, often, to see what he has.

Honor the ones you love.

To save the princess, turn to pg 46 . . .to open the box, turn to page 81

Young Adult literature, as they now call it, has changed so much since I was a kid—back then, we had some prominent titles (but nothing like today) and some pretty endearing series’(but mostly they suffered from the “Nicholas Sparks Effect,” meaning that it was all about quantity—and how many books could be written per month, not quality, and they were mostly all the same plot lines). As a teacher of English, some of my favorite seminars involve just talking about the latest trends in Young Adult lit—we truly are in a “golden age” of this type of genre, and there really is some amazing (and very controversial) stuff out there. I remember Cha Cha getting concerned when I was reading the book “Blubber” by Judy Blume, because it involved a bunch of mean kids pranking a fat girl in their class—pretty innocuous stuff when compared to today’s YA stories involving rape, oral sex, and heavy duty racism. I bet if more parents were as concerned with what their kids were reading as they were in their SUV’s, then there’d be a LOT of very angry parents. But, to counterpoint, I would argue that I’ve never read as good of stuff as I read today when I check out the latest in YA books; they are rich in character development and language. Furthermore, I would argue that they blow away any of the so-called “Barnes and Crapple Bestsellers” that are the same old recycled gobbledygook about some chick who lost everything including her husband and then goes to “find herself” in a rustic cabin on the coast of Virginia and meets some other chick who ends up being her long lost sister and then they have to rectify all the issues about how she wasn’t the favorite daughter like the other one and then she had to move to the godforsaken town to “find herself” in the first place but she couldn’t because she was so plagued by bad memories but in the end through some witty dialogue and forced symbolism they find each other . . .blah blah blah. Or, one written by a pasty white dude about how we can “reclaim” America. I want to die.

I dont mean to "diss" the kids book writer's of my generation--I read some really great stuff when I was young!! Here's a "reminiscing list" of some of my childhood favorites (note: these arent "kiddy picture books," but rather books I read in my formative years of middle school, etc). I know Johnny C, being the librarian he is, will chime in here . . . as will my fellow residential book maven Sally Piles Goldsmith. But what books do you remember from when you were a kid?

Oh . . .one more thing . .. who remembers those "Troll Book Club" things we did in school--where they gave you the thin flimsy newsprint emblazoned with all the latest and greatest books they were offering that month? Then there was the "one kid" in class who always got TONS of crap on the day the books were delivered. Those things were awesome!

Return of the Indian
Indian in the cupboard
Tales of a fourth grade nothing
Superfudge
Maddie and me and the dirty book
Blubber
Henry and the paper route

Beezus and Ramona

The best of Penthouse Forum

Ramona the Pest
Mr Popper's Penguins
Where the red fern grows
Baby sitters club series (including the "super specials")
Sweet valley high
Sleepover twins
The Hardy boys
Matt Christopher sports books like:
The catcher with the glass arm
Sink it rusty
The kid who only hit home runs
The reluctant pitcher

Encyclopedia Brown

Choose your own adventure!!!!

Its back!

Thank goodness--its about time! After months of waiting (because of the stupid writer's strike) we were finally treated to a brand spankin new episode of NCIS tonight. I know . . .its pathetic that we get so excited for a simple show, but its really more than that. Tuesday nights, traditionally, are Amanda and I's TV night, where we watch NCIS and THE UNIT. The Unit isnt back yet, but that just leaves us something to look forward to for next year! When I was in DC a few weeks ago, I looked endlessly for an NCIS hat, since their headquarters is in Alexandria, VA--where our hotel was. But all I could find were FBI and CIA hats. Who needs them, when you've got the elite crime fighting force of NCIS. Its great to have these old friends back!

Oh, and we had a pretty good band rehearsal today after school. I havent really written much about this, but my friend and colleague Dave, two seniors, and I have formed a "side project" band to play a fundraiser for the junior class. We meet for about an hour or so each Tuesday afternoon, and we're mostly playing popular covers from bands like Pink Floyd, John Mayer, Feist, Foo Fighters, and more. Its fun because we all get to switch instruments (thats what she . . .), which means that I'm not totally on the keyboard. I am doing most of the singing, but I also play drums on a couple of songs. Its great. More on this later . . .

Old Brand Names (and Amanda too)

So here we are, just at about 32 weeks pregnant. Doesnt Amanda look great? Also, isnt it so attractive to see Thomas licking his hindparts next to the fire? Its like a Currier and Ives photo!

Tonight we had our fourth class (and we are halfway through the child birth course we are taking . . .thank God). Its just so much at once that its hard to take it all in (thats what she . . .) Tonight we got a tour of the maternity ward upstairs at Thayer Hospital, where we'll be having the little guy. The rooms are so nice--almost like hotel rooms--and there is a whirlpool bath in each one. Maybe I'll let Amanda use it too! After Amanda gives birth, we move into an even nicer (less "hospitally") room that is perfect for nannie, papa Goldsmith, Babs, Grammy and Gramps Willard, and all the family to come and see our latest addition. There is track lighting also (Tim: a smoove B style reference for you. . .).

It was beautiful out today--almost 54 degrees--and I took my first "real" outdoor run of the season; its a lot different than the treadmills I do mostly in the winter. While outside, I also started to take an assessment of all the damage done by old man Winter during the past few months. Our driveway looks disgraceful--and we just had it done less than a year and a half ago. STEVE VIOLETTE PAVING did it, and everyone should stay the hell away from him. He sucks. Heaves and cracks speckle most of the driveway and walkway; I even had him out to look at it last March (he just did it the previous November) and he gave me no satisfaction. Just a terrible, terrible job done by him and his company. I digress . . . .

So I was thinking today (for some unknown reason) about when I was younger (I'm thinking middle school and junior high) and you were basically placed into a caste system by what types of clothing labels you wore. Today, as I teach at a high school, brand names and labels still prevail (Abercrombie and Crap, American Crap, etc), but there seems to be so much less of a big deal made if kids arent dressed in the latest fashions. And I think that is good. Kids come to school in pretty much anything, and its fine. But do you remember these labels? I wore some, and some I stayed away from. Jay was a follower and wore pretty much all of these. What can you add/comment to on this list?

Stussy-what the hell was this? Just weird cursive writing on a hat. Silly-pickle faces

No Fear-Worn mostly by the kids with the smallest penises who were hoping you'd provoke them to fight you so they could compensate for their small penises.

Vuarnet- A shirt from France. They made sunglasses. And that was about it. I had two. France sucks.

Panama Jack-Worn by the future "Parrothead" generation who would take their dad's explorer and go to "Great Woods" to see Buffet. And then they'd go to Craig Paris's house after.

Z Cavaricci-For all the latent metrosexuals who wanted to wear stylish jeans. I had a pair. God knows why. I remember when I got them at Filenes Basement

Cotler- This (and the next two) defined my pre-middle school wardrobe. Mostly because they were the brand names carried by "Rochelle's," which was this kid's clothing store in Mansfield. The four words I most loathed to hear during my formative years: "We're going to Rochelle's."

Bugle Boy- "Are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?" YES. "Oh . . I thought so." (the car speeds away)

Gotcha-Wasnt this first a movie about a kid with a paintball gun or something? And then they turned it into a clothing line? Or something? Did I miss this? I dont get it.

Marithe and Francois Girbaud- I dont care if I spelled it wrong. More French crap worn by the trendy rich kids in my school--They'd usually wear these jeans with those funky-Jamaican style-colorfully mottled-burlap belt thingies

Pony- Old school sneakers. Jamie Hamilton wore them.

Hobie-I think they made surf boards. I had some Hobie stuff. It was cool because it had neat cartoon graphics on it. I remember there was one shirt with a picture of a dragon surfing.

**I asked Amanda to make a list of the labels she remembers . . . .here's her list**

umbro

samba (or the samba classic)

sassoon

gitano

british knight

chic

guess

L.A Gear

###by the way Belle, how come you never comment anymore???

Primed For Spring

This picture was taken exactly one year ago today . . .and spring still came last year. So, I guess there is reason to be hopeful. I remember I had a snow day (my final one last year) and Sue and Eric's son Jackson and I made one pathetically awesome snowman. Looking outside today, it is definitely apparent we have less snow on the ground than we did when this picture was taken. But I guess that's the thing about a tough Maine winter--it really primes you for spring; you find yourself overjoyed at the sight of anything "green" growing . . .
Speaking of being "primed" (Double Entendre--go English Major!!) today Amanda and I set off to finish prepping the bean's room to be primed and then painted. Amanda had a "tad" bit more stripping to do, but first I attacked the spots I mudded last week with the sander (please notice the misplaced modifier in this sentence . . .I'm feeling very Englishy today). Last week, Karl and I tried to fix up the large space in between the ceiling and the chimney, and below you can see me trying to smooth around it. Also, there were some gouges, nail holes, etc. that I needed to "mud." Naturally, dust went everywhere . . . .but have not fear--Amanda was NOT allowed in the room until the dust had settled and I vacuumed it all up (in other words, she didnt inhale any of the sheet rock crap that diffused across the room . . .I'm a good husband) Oh, and for all you smartasses that are going to say "how did she take the picture then??? hmmm??" I will say to you that I had JUST started. Our friends Chris and Michelle came over to join the painting party, and they were exceptionally helpful. Michelle, a colleague of mine, is one heck of a painter, and both her diligence and "know how" allowed us to prime the whole room in about 2 hours. Below, Chris "cuts" into the ceiling. We had a good time, and I would say I capitalized on roughly 348 opportunities to say "that's what she said."
Am I admiring Michelle's lofty paint strokes, or her beautiful eyes? I guess we'll never know. But one thing I DO know is that I have a really attractive sweat stain across my solar plexus. With the wallpaper steamer going (plus the fact that I was in the room) it was pretty darn hot in there!

Amanda didnt make it into any of the pictures because she was taking them of everyone else . . .but I'll be sure to post some as we finish the actual "painting" part of the room. She picked out some really beautiful colors and I know she is going to make our son's room look truly magnificent--she is really good at decorating! We did some good work today--and we had fun doing it! Thanks Chris and Michelle. Just send us your bill, okay?

Hmm . . .what to do . . .

For the past two seasons, Amanda and I have been unable to watch any Red Sox games, for the simple reason that, where we live, we need the "extended cable" package in order to get NESN. We pay 18.07 per month for cable, and it is fine with us, because we dont watch that much TV anyway; all we watch are two "network" shows and QVC, and we get all the channels we need. We get Netflix because, frankly, we love to get movies and tv shows and watch them when its convenient for us. We are three-quarters of the way through "All Creatures Great and Small's" tv series. As are we for "The Unit," NCIS, and "Northern Exposure."

But I need my Red Sox!

But . . . .

This means we'll have to pay 60 bucks a month for cable, versus the 18 that we pay now--and its pretty much JUST to watch the Sox. Can you say "extortion?" However, there are pros and cons. The cons are, essentially, that I dont feel like I should have to pay an outrageous cable bill just to be able to watch my hometown team play baseball on TV--especially when the ticket prices at Fenway are astronomical (IF you can even get them!) I think its ridiculous--and even laughable--when I consider how much these ballplayers make, and I feel like I'm "enabling" them if I suck it up and pay the money to watch them play. Also, with NESN, comes Hazel Mae, the host of "Sports Desk," who just may be the most scathingly annoying woman to ever reside in New England. Guys love her because of her . . .um . . .two large "attributes." But I think she sucks.

On the other hand, though, I just imagine my son growing up without the Red Sox. Just as it is important that we sing and read to him when he's an infant, I also believe that he needs to get used to hearing Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy speak (because lets face it . . .emphysema is going to hit Remy HARD one of these days . . . and he'll lose his voice quick). Televised baseball games are fantastic for a couple of reasons. First, they are on just about every day, so you can always count on the instant gratification of getting to watch a game. This, of course, is unlike football, which only plays once a week, and virtually takes up an entire DAY. Second, the games are "user friendly" enough to "be" whatever you want them to be. Want to have the guys over, drink some beers, and scrutinize each pitch? Perfect. Want to watch some of the slow-moving game, flip to another show, and then come back to the baseball? Great! You probably wont have missed much. Or, if you are like me, you can just keep the game on while you work around the house; it provides an excellent background mix of sounds and images that are about as synonymous with spring, summer, and the "rite of passage" we call coming of age as anything I can think of . . . .

No. I cannot have my boy not having the Red Sox

No regrets about the path I've chosen . . .

(Thanks for the info, Mike)

Meanderings 27

1. When it comes to muffins, the only part people like are the tops. I know this, because when I was growing up, we used to buy chocolate chip muffins at Shaws and eat them for breakfast. Inevitably, we would end up with 4 or 5 "muffin bottoms." That is, the "ivory" was stripped off the carcass--rendering only the cakey substance beneath the muffin-paper line. Why dont they just sell muffin tops? I am sure there would be a huge market for them . . .maybe I should get into it. "Jared's Muffin Tops." The only problem is that it sounds like an inappropriate web site.

2. There is a hilarious blog out there (I'll try and post the link) called "stuff white people like." I love it because its so true: dinner parties, outdoor performance clothes, sushi, etc. Here's my own thought, realized after reading Yankee magazine after Yankee magazine because my dad got us a subscription: White people love eating fried clams, outside, bought from a building that looks like its about to fall down, in the sand. White people have this illusion (maybe its from our past indoctrination of the "rugged individualism" we learn about in social studies) that they are somehow "common . . .just like everyone else in the world" if we eat our ridiculously overpriced and under portioned fried clams outside--like we are roughing it. Its so cliche it drives me crazy. We eat our clams out of paper bags and off of paper products, swoon over how rustic the little dilapidated clam shack is, talk about how this is really a simpler kind of life--and then we get back into our air conditioned gas guzzling SUV's to go back home and watch LOST. Because we cant miss it.

3. Consider the phrase: "I'm not as young as I used to be, you know!" Who IS?? Just asking. Silly phrase.

4. I love it when a restaurant or food chain starts doing something so routine and normal that others have been doing for years--and then markets it like they are somehow so innovative or pioneering for trying it.Subway did this a few years ago when they started "toasting" their subs. Like no one had ever toasted anything before. Consider the lame new Dunkin Donuts commercials advertising their "oven toasted" homefries or whatever. Wow. You put them in an oven. Truly revolutionary. The commercials show these post-orgasmic looking figures drooling over their small box of homefries, fantasizing how there must be a dragon breathing fire onto ther processed potatoes . . .and THAT is how they got so crisp in the otherwise normal looking oven. Give me a break. Every home in America has an oven in it. What's so great about this "new" concept.

5. You know those little "Microsoft Songs?" You know, when you start windows, or shut your computer down? I love those freakin' songs. What are they called? They must have a name. They are probably on their way to becoming the most recognizable sounds in the world. Think about that. Someone must have "written" the songs (each one, dont forget, is LESS than a second long). I wonder if this person gets royalties from Microsoft? Imagine how many times per day these songs play? This composer must be cashing in!

BRAND NEW FEATURE TO MEANDERINGS: "This Week in Double Standards"

1. I dont know how many of you are familiar with the health club chain "Planet Fitness." I call it Planet FATness. They pride themselves on being a gym for everyBODY, meaning they want people to feel un-intimidated to work out there. I think this is great. What is not great, however, is the hypocritical way in which they do this. Their whole gimmick is that they are a "judgement free zone." They discourage groaning and weight dropping. Also, it is widely thought that they practice job discrimination in who they hire as employees--hiring people who "dont" exactly fit the whole "fit body" stereotype so that people dont feel intimidated to go there. Anyway, I used to go there, and once I got yelled at for "dropping" weights after doing a very heavy set of chest presses. I was exhausted at the end of the set, and I let the dumbbells fall on the floor. Immediately, some girl marches over to me and says in a caustic voice how I shouldnt drop weights because "this is a judgement free zone and you are making people uncomfortable." But my question is this: by making an example of me (and they do have a big sign up saying NO LUNK'S ALLOWED--a "Lunk," by their definition, is what you and I might call a meathead or something) arent they, in turn, "judging" me?

2. I'm going to bring a law suit against Margaritas Restaurant for the cheeseburger item on their menu. Craparitas, being a "Mexican" restaurant (although that term is highly debatable) advertises their "Gringo Burger." "Gringo" to a white person is like "Spick" to a Latino person or "WOP" to an Italian Person. When I was in Mexico for two summers with our church, people who didnt like us called us Gringos. I find it interesting how it is somehow acceptable to call it a Gringo Burger--because it only makes fun of Caucasian Americans. I wonder how it would go over if I had some egg rolls on the menu of my restaurant, and called them "slope rolls." Or, if I had a rolled up sandwich with beans and rice, I could call it a "wet-back wrap." I wonder how those types of things would go over . . .