Meanderings 55

Five brief thoughts for your Thursday (or Friday morning)

1. Some of my students this year plan on majoring in "Wildlife Management" when they go to college next year. That's a funny phrase, isnt it: "Wildlife Management?" Doesnt one negate the other? Isnt the whole point of wildlife is that it is "wild" and can't be "managed?" It is like in the book THE CATCHER IN THE RYE when the school's mission statement is to "mold young minds into free thinking individuals." How can you "mold" free thinkers? It is just one of the many phrases in our language that just doesnt make sense.....like "liberal rationalism."

2. How many species of living things are there on the earth? Like thousands, right? And here we are, human beings, at the top of the food chain and sitting on the top rung of the ladder. So here's a fair question: Why are we the only species that "burns" and needs to put on sunscreen? Do all animals burn and we, as humans, are just a bunch of pansies who cant be in any pain? Did we miss that part of the evolutionary process? Were we out buying sneakers with lights on them when that happened? I mean, you hear all the doctors telling us not to go outside without a hat or without sunglasses or without SPF187......what about dogs or cows or horses or deer or any of the other thousand things that live outside all summer? Humans suck.

3. Every time a fly lands on something, it defecates. That is so funny. So I guess we humans DO in fact have SOMETHING going for us. At least we dont crap every time we stop moving. Can you imagine how funny that would be? Can you imagine if when every single time you sat down you crapped yourself? What a free-spirited, worry free world that would be!

4. I am getting ready to boycott any pizza place that has a pizza called "meat lovers." What kind of crap is that? Why do people who like meat or vegetables need to be labeled and categorized as "lovers?" Can't we just want to have bacon, sausage, hamburg, and ham and not be a "lover?" No one else has this stigma! I mean, if I order mushrooms on my pizza I'm not suddenly a "mushroom lover." And if I just get cheese on my pie that doesnt mean I'm an "anti-topping lover." Just one more attempt by the liberal PETAs to linguistically mark carnivores as a different, "bohemian" race of individuals.

5. So we get the paper on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. The paper gets delivered to our house by like 5 in the morning. One morning, at roughly 5:08, I was reading the paper, when I came across an ad for a local Chinese food restaurant advertising their specials. "Call NOW for free delivery!" it read in big letters. I thought of how funny it would be if I called at 5:08 in the morning, on a Friday, demanding Chinese food. I mean, it does say to call NOW! Obviously they arent open....so is that false advertising? Isnt it sad that I think about things like this? Will someone hug me so I dont feel so lonely....