Thursday, December 13, 2012
1. Did you know that Japanese scientists have figured out how to send certain "smells" over "email?" I use quotes for email because WOULD that really be an email?? Naturally, this new technology will be used ONLY for good. Dont get me wrong--this is nothing short of amazing. But I seriously cannot think of one valid situation where this would ever need to be done. Seriously. And it opens up a whole Pandora's Box of questions. Will certain 'smells' be banned from sending? Will schools allow it? Is this a type of "cyberwarfare" we never imagined? You know some hacker somewhere is gonna figure out how to send fart smells to Kohl's online customers, et al. I look forward to seeing how this develops....
2. Trash bags live perhaps the loneliest lives of any item on the face of the earth....they are made, in factories, brand new, and exist ONLY to be packed with stuff no one wants and then thrown out. Forever. Buried in dirt. What a sad and lonely existence. Perhaps a new children's book idea my friend CartoonBrad and I can create will involve a trash bag that has real dreams and aspirations and wants to overcome the caste systematic type of life that exists for trash bags. I HAVE DREAMS YOU KNOW!!!
3. Also, toilet paper shares the same fate as trash bags. But I feel like toilet paper gets to see more of the world. Does that make sense? And, all fecal matter aside, they DO get to go on a more interesting journey (a waterslide!!!) than a trash bag.
4. Can you imagine if the story of the Little Drummer Boy were true? What an AWFUL GIFT to give to a king--nevermind ANY baby!! "Here....I am a poor boy too....but I really want to give you something....so I think what I will do is come over to where your exhausted parents are trying to get five minutes of sleep, in a barn, and I will drum and drum and drum and drum and drum. And you will love it." I mean, with the cute song on the radio, there are OTHER instruments involved: singing, strings, etc. But what, in the world, is enjoyable about hearing just a drum. Unless it was a mad phunky beat....like if the Little Drummer Boy was one of those inner city kids who sit with a five gallon bucket on the sidewalk and play for cash....I could be wrong....
5. In the irony department: LL Bean is an outdoor clothing and gear store, and part of their mission is getting people outside to enjoy, respect, and take care of nature. Their merchandise is dependent on "the woods" in that most of the stuff they sell necessitates the woods being there in order to USE that stuff (snowshoes, canoes, skis, hiking boots, etc). Isnt it ironic then that LL Bean must be the largest consumer of PAPER in the MILKY WAY?? The Goldsmiths have received no less than 7 catalogs in the past three weeks....most of them with the same 'stuff' in them.....what the heck is this? How much paper do they go through??#Liberalhypocrites....haha
6. I am annoyed by stories people tell that start with "The other day I woke up" (as in THE OTHER DAY I WOKE UP AND OPENED THE FRIDGE AND THERE WAS NO MILK!!!). I hate these stories because people are not economizing their language, and are therefore wasting my time. You dont need to tell me that you woke up, because the fact that a) the story happened b) you witnessed it c) you are telling me now means that you, in fact, woke up. Omit your needless words or else get the hell away from me.