Meanderings 84

1. The other day I was on my laptop writing a test in OpenOffice, when, all of the sudden, the program closed, and I got an error message that read "some of your information might not be saved." So I decided to tell Libre Office about Jesus....

2. Why do Bananas always have to be accompanied by 'cream' in pies and yogurts and such? Arent bananas good enough to stand on their own? I think so. Like, in a pie, you cant just have bananas in syrup, like you can with blue and strawberries? You are giving bananas a complex here--just give them a chance.

3. When you think about archaeology, what's the first set of images that come to mind? Digging, right? A bunch of white people wearing scarves around their necks digging for old stuff, right? Why is everything 'old,' by default, buried under dirt? Am I missing something here? Does part of the aging process of physical objects necessitate that they become buried under mounds of earth? I mean, have there been, historically, some hard core crazy dust storms or landslides all over the world that have somehow escaped the chronicles of history? Is dirt just attracted to old pots? In several hundred years, will the United States be completely buried under dirt? And, if so, how and why will this happen? Seriously

4. A lot of people have panic disorder. This is as opposed to total 'orderly' panic, where people iron their shirts, comb their hair, and sit up straight while drinking tea in order to panic....

5. We were in a restaurant a while back, and the menu was advertising their signature porterhouse steak which, according to the menu, was 'of the highest quality and cooked exactly the way you want.' I thought of how funny it would be to request the following: Ok...here is how I want it cooked....first of all, the chef must be completely nude, wearing only a collar with bells on it....he must sear it for 2 minutes on each side while listening to (and singing along with) Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" and, during the part where they say 'mama mia let me go,' he must attempt to do four pirouettes in succession with Freddie Mercury's voice (any less than 4 will ruin the taste of my meat). Furthermore, it must be precisely 73 degrees in the kitchen and all the lights must be off, rendering the dramatic glow of 'clean linen' Yankee candles, which I will provide. Finally, I want a RED spatula used to turn my steak, and the cook must recite the Pledge of Allegiance before EACH TIME he touches the meat AT ANY POINT during the cooking process. 

6. I always thought it would be kind of funny to look in a library card catalogue for a book about Melvil Dewey (the man who invented the Dewey Decimal System). Like, when you find his entry, is it emblazoned with gold stars or any type of pomp and circumstance or such?