Goldsmith Annual Christmas Party

We were graced with wonderful people--both young and old(er) at our annual open house last night. Amanda baked her signature chocolate chip cookies, and I made a crock full of pulled pork. We had lots of great dips, veggie trays, Mandy's chocolate bread, Mel's watergate salad, spinach artichoke dip, Mexican recipes, and good beer and cider. Here are some of the hilights:



Here is Amanda holding young Jaxson Murray Longyear, Zach and Nikki's newest addition. A very handsome little guy, with a very active little body. Amanda already looks like a pro. . . .
Two mummas and one mumma-to-be. Amanda, Ciara, and Nikki. Nikki is holding Aden, Jesse and Ciara's little guy . . .notice how he already has more hair than me . . .and he's barely two weeks old. So I've got that going for me . .. .
The girls chatting it up. Mel, Susan, and Amanda discuss the tremendous array of food prepared by our hosts and guests. Susan is noticeably upset because she drank all of our wine, and there is nothing left for her to do. Just kidding . . . .

Eric and I got one of those civil union things, and we've already adopted. How nice. OR . . . here is a picture of two guys . . .neither which is the father of the baby in question. This point in the night was a milestone for me, since I had been holding Aden for probably a half hour at this point. The milestone being this: it was the first time I successfully took a crying baby and made it "not cry." I accomplished this by dancing with him to the Bee Gees, singing to him, and constantly changing his positions in my arms
Another milestone: my first diaper change! Yes I did it myself, and yes it was a poopiediaper. Zach said I changed like a pro. He said I did such a good job, that now he was going to let me tend the rabbits when we get that place of ours . . . . (English teacher reference . . . .what am I talking about??)

Ruminations of Christmas Traditions

I thought I would post a picture of Amanda's belly at 14 weeks, since she is noticing she is getting a little pouch now. She also swears she has been feeling the bean move around inside her a lot, which is normal because the baby is growing so much.

We are trying to initiate some new Christmas traditions so we can make them mainstays once the bean is here. Amanda has her family traditions, and I have mine. One of the things we used to do is go to midnight mass at Holy Cross. Another would have been my Nana Courtney's annual Christmas party; she had a strict policy on gift giving. As long as you were under the age of 13 (she had a katrillion grandkids) you received two gifts. One was your big present, and the other one . . .well . . .I'll get to it in a minute. If you were over 13, you got a 50 dollar check and your "second present." The "second present" was always my favorite, because, essentially, what she did was wrap up a bunch of random, unrelated stuff like doodle pads, chap stick, wool socks, crayons, glue, candy canes, lifesavers (the ones that came in those "Christmas book thingys," and lacy panties. Just kidding. About the glue.

One of Amanda's favorite family traditions is the annual reading by IT consultant George of "The Night Before Christmas." I dont know if this is more entertaining for George or the kids, but what he does is read the book--the WHOLE book. The publishing info, the ISBN scan code on the cover, the Library of Congress card catalog number, and the list of "other favorites you might enjoy" from the "Golden Press" library list. This usually takes about a good 30 minutes to read a 50 line poem. Good times. The other popular tradition (that I have seen) is how we eat a delicious Christmas dinner and then sport Jonathan goes and naps on the couch while everyone else pitches in and cleans up (wah wah wah . . .).

What are your Christmas traditions? Here is what Amanda and I are continuing/starting as traditions in the Goldsmith house:

* Cutting down our own Christmas tree from a farm in Albion, Maine. (Albion is so rural that they havent even finished plowing the snow from last winter)

* "Doing Hanukkah" (as Amanda calls it). We light the menorah and then go to our own special "wailing wall" and cry because we arent as rich as other Jews we know. Also, its a good way to honor the roots of "my people," as my father is Jewish, and I was brought up to revere, celebrate, and learn about the Jewish holidays. I will pass this on to the bean, who, sadly for him, will only be 25% Jewish at best. Oy vey . . . .

* Reading A CHRISTMAS CAROL out loud together. We start this on the first of the month, and read a chapter a night. This year is special because the bean can hear it, and all the baby-hippie-wanna be experts agree that you should read to your little person whilst they are in the womb. I do great voices, and, usually, Amanda falls asleep. What's extra special is, after finishing the book, watching the movie. One of the dirtiest lines in all black and white cinema exists in this film: When Bob Cratchit splurges and brings home a Christmas goose for dinner, the family sits around the table marveling at the delicious looking bird, and Tiny Tim says in his pre-pubescent voice: "I'd like to stroke it!"

* Watching Amanda's undisputed all time favorite movie A WHITE CHRISTMAS. Each night. Twice.

* Watching "Elf," "Lampoons Christmas Vacation," and "The Nativity Story." These are our favorite Christmas movies. Dont even say "what about Miracle on 30-crap street?" because that movie sucks.

*Making fun of all the ultra lame Hallmark inspired movies that attempt to create false ethos with all the old "emo" people who watch Christmas movies every night of the week. There MUST be some type of formula for naming these pieces of crap, since they all sound like "When Christmas came to Hollow Creek," "Tinsel of the Heart," or "The Smoky Glen miracle." All these lonely people live in the woods in a cabin when all of the sudden some outsider comes into their lives, heals their years of sexual, emotional, and spiritual abuse . . .blah blah blah . . . .

*Elf punting

*Decorating. Amanda is amazing at this. Our decorations are a mixture of the old and new. We love the artist Jim Shore, who has a line of handcarved and handpainted statues called the "Heartwood Creek" line. Maybe when the bean is older, we'll give them to him/her so they can decorate their dorm room at Annapolis. Where daddy couldnt go. Cuz he had cancer.

*Drinking every beer that has "holiday," "seasonal," "winter," or "Christmas" in the title. Well, I do this, and Amanda drives me to burger king after . . . .

JARED'S TOP FIVE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN EVER (BESIDES AMANDA)

If you are married or in a serious relationship and don't think quote/unquote "famous" people are wicked attractive, then you are either lying or asexual. I love my wife more than anything, and I think she is the most beautiful person in the world. However, since the chances of meeting any of the following people is nonexistent, it is safe to make this list of the hottest women of all time. Feel free to chide at remarks, or write who YOUR top five are. There will be a male version of this in the coming days.

1. Rosemary Clooney: From "White Christmas." She had grace, elegance, and prestige in her beauty. A wonderful voice and a terrific actress. She lit up the screen as far as I am concerned. Its only too bad that, when she reached 50, she ate her former self three or four times.
2. Allison Krauss: Any girl who can sing to me automatically earns huge points. And she has one of those unique deals where her singing voice is completely different from her speaking voice. Either way, she could either sing or speak the yellow pages to me, and I'd listen like a good boy. Dreamy southern eyes and honest emotions in her songs. A definite top fiver.
3. Neve Campbell: Ever since I was a middle schooler, I've thought Neve Campbell had the most stunning looks as far as actresses go. I dont know what it is. She just looks like "the girl next door." She is, essentially, rather "basic" looking . . .nothing "stands out." I just think that, all around, she has it together. A great actress too. And a dancer.
4.Natascha McElhone: You are probably thinking: who the hell is she? Natascha had a small role in the film "The Truman Show" where she played Truman's "forbidden" love interest. I just think her eyes could cause global warming. I hope she doesnt live in Greenland, even.
5. Campbell Brown: I think news anchors are very attractive for some reason. Maybe its their formalness and professionalism that does it. . . .I dont know. Campbell Brown takes the cake. A terrific smile, tall, and smart. Great personality. NBC was stupid not to hire her for TODAY. Good luck, Campbell!

SECOND POST OF THE DAY/FIRST SNOWSTORM

We had a fantastic snow day today! This is what I did . . . .

And this is what Amanda and Thomas did . . . .


Ahhh . . .freshly strung up Christmas lights for freshly fallen snow. It was a great day. We watched movies, I made my homemade baked beans, I read, I shoveled, Amanda took a nap with Thomas in the guest room, and we all just enjoyed the first big snowfall of the winter. It is 735 and the snow is still falling pretty heavily . . . .I hope it sticks around for a while

STEVE WILKOS: A TERRIBLE MAN

Why, in our country, do we have this misplaced illusion that people who have "succeeded" in other facets of the American lifestyle (modeling, cooking, fighting, playing a sport, etc.) can somehow be competent enough to host a daytime talk show? Rachel Ray is a cook, who then hosts "Everyday with Rachel Ray," which is, at first, a show about cooking. But all the sudden, when ratings start to slip, we see guests who are victims domestic violence, and Ray seems to "counsel" them on their traumatizing experience. Or take Tyra Banks, (I almost can't stand her more than big fat Rosie Odonnell!) who made most of her millions objectifying women to the point of prancing around in her panties for Victoria's Secret. Now, however, she somehow is a type of sage on relationships, and provokes guests who are involved in bad marriages, etc. on how to "fix" them. I could keep going with Tyra, and how she made her millions exposing her body, but, now that she is rich, coincidentally enough thinks its so wrong how women do this to themselves. But I wont. Today's rage is directed at Steve Wilkos, the former "bouncer" on that benchmark of American values "The Jerry SPringer Show."

Obviously, because he is bald and can bench 450, he is deserving of a show. Today was a snowday for me, and I swear we watched no television except for "Knocked Up" this morning. However, Amanda was napping with Thomas, and I skimmed through the channels momentarily. The subject of the Steve Wilkos show today was "I'm TERRORIZED of my son!" I watched one segment, and one segment only, but that was enough to personally upset me for the rest of the day.

Now I cannot speak for the rest of the guests on this piece of trash show. But what I DID see was a mother (I will be kind and just call her slutty looking) who had an 11 year old son who, apparently, was "acting out" at home too much, and was thus becoming unmanageable. Let me backtrack for a moment: This "mother" was on her 5th (as in five) boyfriend in three years. Each one of the past four boyfriends (one of whom is this boys dad) went to prison on domestic violence charges for beating the mother and the eleven year old son. Now the mother is on her fifth loser, who looks like he might, with the right schooling, eventually be able to assist with your order at Subway (on a Sunday. Before the dinner rush. When there are four other employees on).

What followed next was terrifying: the locus of the conversation didnt settle on the deadbeat boyfriend or the "morally casual" mother. Rather, the crux of the material settled on the fact that this poor young kid was "misbehaving," "being violent," and "not listening to me [the mom] or Chad [the boyfriend]." This poor kid was being crucified by Chad and Steve Wilkos for the way he acts. "He is so selfish and greedy and he only thinks about himself, and he doenst let me IN when I try to father him." YA THINK??? He is eleven. What the hell is this? This REALLY makes me mad, and it really takes a lot to really make me mad. . . .

I am a teacher. I teach high school every day. I see a lot of problem kids, and many times I think the kids need a good old fashioned ass kicking to improve their attitude. I am all for discipline, even when my colleagues may disagree. But this boy's attitude is NOT his fault, and the fact that he is exploited on television is disgusting--what happens later in the show, although I didnt watch the next segment, is that this boy was brought to "spend the night in jail" with Steve, so he could see how he was going to end up if he didn't stop being so violent. Why should this boy know any different? Who are his role models? A skanky mom who is so concerned with getting gross fat people sex that she completely ignores the "crying out in pain" of her own son? Or is it Chad, the combover hero boyfriend who is probably here for two more weeks, or until the gross fat people sex starts to slow down a bit. Why should he even TALK to this Chad, never mind treat him like a dad? How dare Chad call out an eleven year old kid for "listening to his music too loud." I, personally, would like to tear this guy a new aperture.

This is SO AMERICA that it makes me sick. The grownups are fine . . .there is no need for them to change. But YOUTH? Well, obviously, if they are upset or traumatized or ignored as a result of domestic violence, then, the clear choice is to send them to prison. With Steve Wilkos. Who can lift heavy things.

I am young. I am yet to be a parent. I will no doubt get lit up in the comment section of this entry. But the family values system in our country is so screwed up. I think the mom should dump the boyfriend. Period. She blew her chance at happiness when she got involved with the dregs of society. She has a son to raise. A son who needs her. A son who doesnt need a stepfather to force his way into his broken life and demand affection. A son who definitely doesnt need to be blamed for the way he acts. This is disgusting TV, and Steve Wilkos is just as bad as the fat grownups for playing along. At the end, right before I shut off the TV, Steve was getting up in the boy's business, his face red and veins popping out of his neck, screaming "YOU THINK YOU'RE SUCH A TOUGH GUY?? SEE HOW YOU ACT NOW BOY!!" To which a teary eleven year old kid remarked "I never said I was a tough guy . . .its just no one listens to my side of the story."

SNOW IS A COMING!

Want to see a REALLY happy girl? Just look down . . . .

No, actually she wasnt unhappy at all--she was just cold. And as much as I told her to come in and get warm, she really wanted to be outside decorating for Christmas. Today was the "outside" portion of her decorating diad. Amanda has been feeling pretty good this weekend, staying up later, eating more balanced foods (not just clementines, jolly ranchers, and cole slaw--foods she craves), and not throwing up at all. Here, she was putting some garland around our light post.
Here she is putting some lights around our front Yews and the front steps. Notice the "illegal" truck parked in the background. I think she looks like a little duck in her parka. She bought a timer at the big orange store so that the lights will turn on automatically at dusk, and shut off at 10 or something. That is better than me going outside at 11, half naked, to turn them off. And it is WAY better than me going out at 4pm, half naked, to turn them ON.
We have no idea what the hell kind of tree this is in our backyard. Even Kemish, my former college roommate, who is an arborist, couldnt tell me what it is. Maybe black walnut? Pine? Elm? Who the heck cares. But its cute, and it lends itself well to these little solid color ornaments Amanda and I hung onto limbs. We also put some on the Maple out front. I think its pretty original and creative. Go Sally!!!
Cindy, our neighbor, came out to tell us how much she loved Amanda's decorations. We then went in to see her tree and all her festive setup. We took advantage of a terrific photo-op with Toby, Cindy and Dana's little Yorkshire Terrier. The Greenlaws are babysitting a friend's yellow lab this week, and poor Toby is being terrorized by the other dog. But we loved him for a little bit, and he felt better. Toby, you may remember, used to date Chelsea. But . . .um . . .Toby, who is a little boy dog, doesnt like girl dogs, he decided.

We're supposed to get well over a foot of snow tonight. We can't wait!!! I cleaned out the ashes from the firebox tonight, so we are cleared for takeoff with good, blizzardly fires in the next couple of days. Snow day tomorrow? I think I will put on some of Ortiz's special homemade baked beans. In fact, I think I'll go soak my little beans right now . . .

COLD!! Dammit . . . .

Saturday was freezing out. And windy. Wind knocked down our gutters and destroyed the whole "tarp" configuration I had over a couple of cord of wood. But it was a great day nonetheless. I met Eric Reynolds at "Bee's Diner" again for breakfast--the place is such a quintessential Maine hole-in-the-wall. What's funny about it is that you see these blotchy skinned, salt and pepper haired, billowy flannel shirt adorned old Maine men, who, one moment, are talking about their snowmobiles, and, the next moment, when their food comes, take out "Dorothy Sayers" mysteries and books with titles like "Roosevelt's Private War." A very funny place. Eric and I were, once again, able to eat two big breakfasts for under 10 bucks. The "special" of the day was, quite succinctly, "DONUTS." That is--4 chocolate donuts and coffee for 99 cents.

After a wonderful breakfast with my friend, I came home to see Amanda off for her annual before-Christmas shopping day with Lynne. They go and buy all kinds of "mundits" and "chatshkas" as Mrs. Kemish and Mrs. Greenlaw call them (Polish and Italian for "shit"). I worked around the house, and then went over to stack some wood at the Willard's. This was wood that was, in fact, stacked a couple of years ago, but was then knocked over by the wind. Most of was frozen to the ground, so I had that going for me. But, alas, I got about half of it done, and went inside to enjoy some good cold beer (Oak Pond Brewery in Skowhegan has a beer called "Dooryard Ale" which has instantly made it into my top 5 favorite beers). George laid out a tremendous spread of snacks--"taquitos," shrimp cocktail, cheese and crackers, cream cheese with Jalapeno pepper jelly, and chips and salsa. "Dinner"--as if the snacks werent enough, was a new Chili recipe that George debuted. George is a phenomenal cook (almost as good as Amanda in fact . . .) who used to cook a lot when I first was around. But, I think, since I have been married to his daughter, I've depresses him to the point where he doesnt cook anymore. Haha. But it is great to see him cooking again--to me, its a sign that he is a happy guy.

As usual, I drank a few beers, and the little editor inside my head went off, and I made fun of Mel and Jonathan. And Lynne. And George and Amanda. But I deserved it . . . .it was COLD out yesterday.

Today is Sunday and Sally is decorating outside, hanging up lights. I have some work to do in the garage. Then, I hope to catch up on my book "Inside Delta Force" by Command Sergeant Major Eric Haney--a "charter member" of the counterterrorism unit. This is the book the show THE UNIT is based on. Dont EVER end a sentence with a preposition!!! Do as I say . . .not as I do . . .