Hey its election night. So you know what that means!!! Let's all watch TV to hear pundits talk about how they can somehow predict what 200 million people are going to do. Once again, and I mean this: with all due respect to political aficionados, just how exciting IS it watching "election coverage?" My wonderful wife has it on right now; and besides pondering that perhaps Katie Couric IS kind of good looking, there really is nothing else to consider entertaining. The pundits can try and sound as exciting as they want, but, translated into regular English, all they really CAN say all night is "well, people are still voting" and "the votes are still coming in" and "well, I guess we'll know the answers once the votes are tallied." Other than that, they're wasting your time. I like to think of the presidential election as Christmas, and I look forward to getting up tomorrow morning to see what Uncle Sam left under the tree. Watching "election coverage" is like sitting up all night on Christmas Eve---staring at, touching, and shaking all your presents....but not opening them until 8 the next morning
Here's my take on some of the "political terms" we've been hearing for the past year....translated only as my idiotic mind can do.
"Progressive"-someone who pisses off all political parties involved in an election; someone who does whatever they heck they want
"Maverick"-someone who pisses off the people within their OWN political party
"Change"-What you have left in your 401k after the people who are supposed to be taking care of our country have let it go down the toilet due to their own partisan arrogance
"Rockstar Celebrity"-a derogatory term used to describe a candidate that...God forbid...people actually LIKE
"Brainwashed"-a term used by the opposing campaign to describe people who actually believe in their candidate
"Corrupt"-A term used to describe a politician who has more than five years experience in public service, and has actually taken a risk on trying to change something--even if they were unsuccessful
"Inexperienced"-A term used to describe a politician who has more than five years experience in public service, but has yet to be bought by lobbyists.
"Candidate for President"-The person with the most money (antonym: see "Ron Paul")
"Nader"-For Democrats, the political equivalent of a polyp
"Swing State"-A state that doesnt know the true conservative notion of commitment, and thus has promiscuous relationships with all candidates involved. Wicked hot.
"Electoral College"-A big yellow book with the title "Voting for Dummies"
"Campaign Rally"-What a candidate attends just after calling Sting and asking how he deals with playing "Roxanne" every single night
"Inaugural Ball"-Proof positive that you, the voter, arent as important to the candidate as they once told you you were while shaking your hand at a factory, on a battleship, or in a University auditorium. Did you get a ticket?
"Liberal"-Someone who wants to give all your hard earned money to lazy citizens
"Conservative"-Someone who wants to give all your hard earned money to lazy CEOs
"Universal Health Care"-This really weird idea (I dont know WHO thought of it, cuz it sure is crazy!) that every human being is entitled to the same human decency of having the opportunity to see a doctor for medical attention
"Absentee"-A new American fad, akin to knitting, Pokemon, and Sudoku, where the pomp and circumstance of "election day" is given way to lazy, selfish Americans who have too many other important things to do (yoga, NCIS, Pizza Hut) on November 4th....so they "do it early."
22 comments:
I am so happy the election is over, we have an inspiring president, and I no longer need to write about how much disdain I have for Bush. Good riddance. To that end, I cant think of any reason to write about politics...except to endorse Pat LaMarche for governor is a couple of years after the human-hotdog is done.
What's funny is that I really dont even like politics that much---essentially, I just like to complain (big surprise) and point out all the injustices, inconsistencies, and double standards in the world.
Politics is a funny thing: We argue, sometimes very heatedly, with those near and dear to us....only to defend an individual that a) we dont even know personally, b)will NEVER know us personally, c)when it really comes down to it, could care less about us as an individual. Its just kind of funny.
On to the next topic...I want to go canoeing!
So Im just saying....We have lived in our town about 4 years and I've never seen a black person, yesterday at the polls I saw about 600.....just saying. Go ahead everyone attack me now.
I have to agree w/ you Kristin. We had the same thing happen in our town. Most of them didn't even know how to use the polling machine and thats what held up the lines in our town. They had to be taught how to vote.
Go ahead people call me a racist, I don't care.
Jared you forgot 'unqualified' defined by VP nominee Palin as well as our next president. The national media got its wish. Using a combination of Deval Patrick's campaign of 'change', the country's overall negativity towards Bush/Republican party, and more importantly the recent economic mess is how Obama defeated Mccain. I didn't really care for either candidate. But let's hope that Obama leads our nation differently than he has voted/proposed in the past. Because with no checks/balances in Congress it could be a big problem. Meanwhile when I go to work in the morning alot of my neighbors can continue to stoop all day thanks to our hard work.
Well I don't know about any of you reading this blog, but I took the day off today. Figured I didn't have to go to work,because Now "The Man" Obama mama will take care of all of us!!LMAO
If anyone has Jesse Jackson's personal email or phone #, could you post it on this blog? I want to mail him a box of tisses to wipe his tears!! Did you see him last night on TV?
Now my wife's watching Oprah, and she has flipped!!Yelling and screaming and wetting her pants, she's so excited about the outcome of the vote!! God love her...another naive supporter.
I wish our new Prez all the luck...but most of all I wish all Americans Good Luck!! Remember..taxes = patriotism!!
Hey is that Johnny Crocket on the One Dollar Bill there on your blog
Well my co-workers and I decided today that we may give our notice and quit our jobs. We talked about it and realized we're better off staying home living on food stamps & welfare then busting our butts working so more of our pay can go to the lazy people who aren't. Oh and the icing on the cake is that we are all now entitled to free government run health care! It can't get any better than that! GO AMERICA! Thank you Obama!!! We do realize though we have to wait a few months before the health care package is approved.
Oh and I heard a rumor today that Oprah, Jay-Z or Puff Daddy are all being considered for the new speaker of the house! Yeh boyz!!!!
why the need to stay anonymous? if it's going to be all hand-me-outs, health care for all and free this and that for the next four years, you don't want to be hiding behind your cloak and miss your piece of the pie pal.
90% of the people who voted for Obama voted for him simply because they don't like Bush and didn't want to vote for someone else in that party, that's all. Also the fact that Obama spoke so "great" and can deliver a good speech about "change" made these people vote for him. Although Bush has made mistakes and may not speak as sophisticated as Obama, the political party responsible for the "mess" that is our economy and such, are the DEMOCRATS!! The political party to which our new President Elect belongs too! so who's really to blame?
two things you never discuss are religion and politics.
I will reserve the right to say that I voted for the candidate I found to be intelligent, thoughtful, level-headed, inspirational, dedicated, and honorable...a family man who doesn't run around calling people terrorists and using fear tactics to secure the vote. I also spent a lot of time actually researching the candidates and their tax, education, health care, and foreign policies. I didn't make my decision just because of a man's charm or charisma.
Frankly, it's insulting, anonymous, to suggest that those of us who voted for Obama did so ignorantly or out of misdirected frustration at the Bush administration. For those of you not used to speakers who can actually speak coherently, I can understand - we've been dealing with Bush (who I'm sure is a wonderful husband and father but has no business running a country) who isn't allowed to speak unless he's got a script in front of him.
Not every person our tax dollars "help" is a lazy, ignorant, leech on the system...there are those who legitimately need our help, like moms who are left with three children and no means to support them. After a short stint in the welfare system, she was able to pull herself up, get a good job, and support her family. A cookie-cutter mentality only reinforces stereotypes and the belief that all groups of Americans are alike...such a sad mentality given the diverse state of our nation.
I might also mention, for those of you so quick to blame everyone BUT a republican for the "mess" this country is in, can you honestly say that you are better off after eight years of Bush's leadership? It'd be nice if the mudslinging could cease and people actually worked together to encourage change, rather than shoot down anyone who has an idea not from their own comfortable group of people.
Just because more African-Americans came out to vote this year doesn't change the fact that we have entire states in the Deep South who voted for McCain simply because he's white, and they refused to vote for an African-American. What's the difference?
I was concerned when Jared wrote these past few blogs on the subject of politics and the election. However, I have to say that I'm pleasantly surprised that there hasn't been any name-calling or offensive language used.
Thanks everybody!
Hey, what about all Jared's hilarious "definitions?" No one has commented on Jared's (yet again) amazing creativity and insight! Go Jared!
Its too bad people are too sore of losers to comment on "the blog" part of the blog!!!
meander this
Tim he/she can't disrobe cause they're the Phantom Gourmet!!!
The bottom line is that to have any number of these proposed programs will require a ton of money and that money has to come from somewhere. Despite what both candidates said neither of their overall plans actually added up in the end. Both were billions short in how they felt they could fund them. One was more lopsided than the other but regardless all a moot point now. Alot will change once Obama begins getting briefed on data/intelligence that we'll never see anyways.
I think since its been the stance that it was the Bush Administration/Republicans who were in office when the economy fell apart it's often conveniently left out that the Democrats were in control of congress the last two years. It's frankly all of their faults as well as a number of outside events that changed things. That's all from my point of view.
I'm more concerned about our national security than anything as Obama's comments on those issues are worrisome. It sounds good to voters but we won't be leaving the middle east any time soon and our dependence on oil goes back to FDR/Saudis and every president since so let's get off this notion that only the Bush(s) were obsessed with oil. Obama won't even discuss Pakistan and for reason.
We'll see how it all pans out but hopefully Obama comes back over from far left of left, a little closer to the middle.
Many of the people who voted for Obama did so because he inspired them and gave them hope for the future--something particularly lacking in recent leadership. Many (not all by any means) of those who voted for McCain did so because they feared change, feared terrorists, feared the loss of their economic well being, feared the new guy with the pretty words--and some, unfortunately, feared the "black guy."
Well guess what. . .Sometimes change is NECESSARY. So is HOPE.
The world of 2008 is dramatically different from the world of 2000, which itself was dramatically different from 1990, and so forth back to the industrial revolution. . .And there are a lot of things we have to fear, from terrorists, to economic collapse, to how far our paycheck’s going to go.
The world we live in, the America we love, is faced like never before with a multiplicity of threats and salvations. How we face them, cowering afraid in the dark, maintaining the status quo with the die-hard belief that things have to get better. . .or striving with reserved hope, forward into the future, to confront the obstacles and MAKE things better. . .
America is great because Americans have always adapted and overcome, they have historically merged a hope for the future with a hard-working mentality that isn’t afraid afraid afraid of the changes to come—because they have always been there MAKING them.
Obama epitomizes so much of what many Americans want America to be. . .I voted for him (not purely based on hope, but on hope and that careful consideration of what his and McCain’s presidencies might be like) and I hope that Americans who didn’t will accept the fact that he’s going to be president. Now stop being scared of the guy and the things you’re afraid he’s going to do to you and start figuring out how you, your family, your job, your life can be part of the solutions. ‘Cause amigo, there’s more than a few problems that need solving. I hope Obama’s the guy to play band leader, but if we, the American people, don’t stop being scared of our shadows and start playing together to make things better every way we can, it doesn’t matter WHO’s in the oval office.
Heard an interesting comment earlier today. Obama wants to propose the govt's takeover of every 401k.....bad news? nope ...because......then he proposes to return to everyone, the money lost in the market by their 401k since things started going downhill earlier this year. Good news, you say? nope..... beacause the govt will then force everyone to invest this money, into the nearly banckrupt social security system at a rate of 3% return. Good idea? think about it. Oh and when you decide you want to sell your house, brace yourself for capital gains tax increase.........Just the beginning of the end.... God help us all!
First good choice Obama is contemplating is placing New Jersey Gov. John Corzine onto his staff as the possible treasurer. HA! HA! HA! everyone the joke is going to be on all Americans now! You think the Bush administration was bad that's nothing compared to what Corzine has done to screw things up so bad here in New Jersey fiscally. You can't even pay people to move into this state. Think I'm kidding, or I'm just sore that Obama won, well guess again and please check your facts. I speak from experience and any New Jerseyian will tell you just how bad things are here.
So everyone please, we New Jerseyians welcome the change. This change can only be good for us because it gets Corzine the hell out of our state! We'd rather have him screwing up the federal government some more rather than the State of New Jersey.
I don't think Corzine is the problem in Jersey, belle. Personally, I was planning a move until I saw these guys: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSfTQxf3_pw
Just an observation: the only coherent and grammatically correct posts on this thread are those in support of Obama. Way to embrace the cliche, people. Nothing makes a person sound more ignorant than fear and racism. And poor grammar.
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