Meanderings 71

1. Remote Control: The remote control is aptly named because the farther along you get with relationships and people living in your house (wife...kids...) the more you see how you are only "remotely" in control of what you are watching--hence, "remote control."

2. How about an app for iphone, etc that is, itself, the screen/interface for a "rotary" phone? I am sure, actually, that this exists. Does it? And, if it does, is this the ultimate irony? That we pine for something nostalgic that simply doesnt exist anymore because of the item by which we are hoping to find this nostalgia? #doyouknowwhatimean?

3. A restaurant idea: CATS. No, they dont serve cats, silly head. You eat your meal. You enjoy your coffee. You savor your dessert. All while a dozen or so well behaved and non-human-food-interested cats mosey around, maybe jump up in your lap, maybe sit with you, maybe want to be pet, etc. A great gimmick. Eating out is not stressful now.

4. Can you imagine how many of the nation's problems could be fixed with the money used by stupid white men to campaign and advertise how they want to fix all the nation's problems? I know that, often, my meanderings are just ridiculous drivel I think of while I run....but this one absolutely astounds me. How do we, as Americans, let this happen? Why do we stand idly by while candidates spend literally hundreds of millions of dollars JUST to get elected? SO STUPID. Yet, so American

5. I am increasingly bothered by the phrase "lifetime guarantee" or the gimmick on a product "will last for a lifetime!" This is such deceptive and silly advertising, yet we fall for it. EVERYTHING will last for a lifetime--EVERYTHING. Every "thing's" LIFE ceases to exist at the end of its LIFETIME. The laws of physics and chemistry and nature prohibit ANYTHING from lasting longer than its lifetime....that is the whole point of a lifetime, right? I mean, it is simple philosophy. Am I wrong here? Everything "exists" until it...well....ceases to exist. At that point, the "guarantee" is null and void. I mean, I could sell a fly with pancreatic cancer and say that it will "last a lifetime." Ya know? And this whole "lifetime guarantee" is equally stupid. Because the only time we are ever interested in "cashing in" on this lifetime guarantee is when we need a new one of whatever we now no longer have....and, sadly, at this point, to be fair, the guarantee ceases to exist, because it was only for the thing's "lifetime."

6. I hate all these fad-dy ploys to get bored housewives making tons of money, because these ploys always end up giving the individual a title with "consultant" at the end, and I find this patronizing and condescending. I have former students who work at tanning salons and are now called "tanning consultants," etc. The one that seems to annoy me the most is this new "Scentsy" candle ponzi scheme thing. The women ( There may be men, but I have never seen any who do it) are called "Scentsy Consultants." To me, a "consultant" denotes a person who is more expert in a chosen field than the other person, and thus needs to be called in to remedy/help/guide/facilitate a given situation. So are these scentsy people insulting my ability to SMELL? Do they inherently know what smells best for me and my house? And, if so, what kind of training do they receive to give such sage-like advice? If I wanted "burnt apricot dew" would they advise against it for economic reasons and thus suggest "cranberry bog morning?" Are they THAT good? I mean, come on....how many people need help trying to figure out what kind of smells they like. Is this yet another thing we Americans can no longer do on our own?