Meanderings 77

1. Salmon are the only animal that have a color named after them. What makes salmon so special? Is it because they are 'kings?' Just cuz they can swim really cool, they get to be their own color? Think of how funny it would be if fish, unbenounced to us, had a whole array of colors and one of them was called "human." In the vegetable world, oranges and persimmons hold the honor of being a fruit AND a color. How do these things happen?

2. You've gotta think that, in the city of Denver, Colorado, there has to be a strip club called "The Mile High Club." But maybe there is a legitimate club of old men and women who are really proud of their city's history and maybe THEY are called the Mile HIgh Club. If so, I bet they have to explain themselves all the time. And I bet they like it. Those deviant history buffs....

3. I am in no way advocating violence or killing or anything like that.....but it just seems that cereal killing has kind of gone out of style; you never hear about cereal killers anymore. Maybe times change and they have all moved on to other fads like Crossfit, canning, or zentangles. But there are just no more good cereal killers. They are becoming a thing of the past, like a "town drunk."

4. When I go to Hannaford  and I peruse the beef, chicken, and pork they have on sale, I always hate the cute orange stickers they have emblazoned with "Great For Grilling." Look jerkwad, I dont need you to tell me how I should cook my food, and I dont need any suggestions from you. What if I wanted to broil this chicken? Is that okay?

5. And on the same vein, why does 'grilling' get all the glory? Have you ever seen any packages of foods that say "Great For Boiling?" What is wrong with boiling? It is a noble, economic, responsible, and safe way of cooking food. Yet it is the RedHeadedStepChild of cooking methods. No "boiling" cookbooks, no "boiling" recipes. What a shame. What. A. Shame. And to be all hipster and cool, you have to "steam" stuff, not boil it. "Steaming" is in. "Steaming" has a great blend of vowel sounds and consonant sounds, so it rolls better of the tongue (no pun intended) (rolling boil) (shut up)

6. Did you know that, in Italian, "Prego" means "you're welcome?" Consider Prego pasta sauce. How freakin' cocky and arrogant is that? It is like they are SO SURE that their sauce is SO AMAZING that they are saying "you're welcome" to you, on the label, before you even eat it, as if to say 'this is gonna be so great and so wonderful and you are going to love it so much that you are welcome in advance for how awesome this will be.' Screw you Prego and your assuming tone; how dare you? It would be like if I baked some cookies and I gave you, dear reader, a cookie and said "here....you're welcome" before you ate it.Hmm....kind of sure of myself huh? Kind of sure that you will love this cookie so much, huh? #arrogantItaliancompanies

7. There are no tomatoes in Chinese Food. Why is this? How did the tomato--one of the most famous fruits in the world--somehow miss the largest landmass on earth? This is especially concerning because didnt the Chinese invent spaghetti? What a shame. What. A. Shame.