Meanderings 38

***I tried to post pictures, but for some reason, I got an error message from blogger every time I did . . .I'll try again later. Here are your meanderings . . .***

1. I love watching China in the Olympics; as of today, they've won 35 gold medals--far more than even the U.S, who is in second place, with 19. I think the reason there are so many Chinese gold medalists is because if the athletes dont win gold, they probably are executed after the games end next week. China was hoping to have "lethal injections" be a sport this year, but they couldnt get it passed by the International Olympic Committee. I hate the way that everyone is kissing China's butt these past two weeks, when in reality they are a truly nefarious nation.

2. I love how China has taken two "sports"--one played by drunken frat guys in their dorm basements, and one played by corpulent and pastily untanned middle-aged white men at barbeques and family reunions--and turned them into Olympic events in which they are international powerhouses. I'm talking, of course, about table tennis (ping pong) and Badminton (lawn tennis). What the heck IS Badminton, anyway? I mean who designed that shuttlecock birdie thing? And, how did they know when they were done designing it? I love how baseball and softball will be gone for the next Olympics, but lawn tennis is going to stay . . .

3. The gold medal event for badminton was played between a man from China and a man from Malaysia. As I watched, I couldnt help thinking that the rackets, net, and shuttlecock used for the event were undoubtedly "made" in one of the two representative countries.

4. I love it when you tell someone something like "you have a bogger hanging out of your nose" or "you can see your black underwear through your sheer white shorts" or "your fly is down" and they reflexively say "OH MY GOD, why didnt you TELL me??" as they run off, embarrassed. But you just DID tell them. Ya know? Just another English idiom that doesnt make sense.

5. Last week, while out to lunch with some family, I noticed a sign on the door to the kitchen that read "Microwave oven in operation." Being both a concerned humanitarian and a grammar enthusiast, I asked the waitress just what was wrong with the microwave, and what the prognosis was. Her reaction let me know that I truly AM alone in the world.

6. All of these so called "teen movies are nothing more than a bunch of scantily clad girls running around like idiots, and even bigger, chubbier male idiots repeatedly damaging otherwise classy looking furniture, automobiles, and culinary displays

7. I've been wondering exactly what the deal is with "My Little Pony." Isnt the name a bit oxymoronic? I mean, arent all ponies inherently "little?" Then I began thinking that they probably couldnt market something called "My Pony" to little kids . . .sounds a little too sexual. The "little," I think, creates a nice buffer, ya know?

8. For years and years and years, teachers, administrators, and parents have complained that schools are underfunded. As per usual, I have come up with the solution to this problem: as schools, we need to start capitalizing on all this "Back To School" insanity. Think about it: "back to school" has essentially become an American commercial holiday event akin to President's Day, or even Christmas. Millions are spent on things like clothes, sneakers, bedding, backpacks, sporting goods, etc. And why? Because schools mandate that kids return in late August. Can't we (and I say "we" because I'm a teacher) somehow "trademark" this "back to school" deal or something? I mean, we're the ones that make it possible for stores to make all this money, right?It just makes sense that stores pay us royalties or something for basically "giving" them another holiday.