Three Olympic Meanderings

1. As I was watching the opening ceremonies last Friday night, what with all the pomp and circumstance of all the 200+ countries competing, I began to think of how much fun it would be to stay in the Olympic Village with all the athletes--its like a humongous, toned summer camp. I wonder if the U.S. men's swimming team executes any panty raids on the U.S. girls volleyball team. And I think about the Ukranian rowing team putting their coxswain's bras in the freezer as a joke (I would have said gymnastics team, but those girls dont have any need for bras). I would probably single out some esoteric group like the Dubai water polo team, seek out their rooms, un-screw the shower heads in the bathroom, and then pour envelopes of cherry Koolaid into them, rendering a steady stream of artificially red water all over their tanned bodies the next time they showered. How funny would it be to see Bob Costas trying to explain the "red water polo team?"

But, more than anything, I think about how much intermingling there must be between the different countries, and my mind turns to the fact that there must be a TON of hooking up (i.e. sex between the different countries). I bet its like a huge, competitive spring break, where, during the day, its all business--but at night, the Russians get in bed with the Germans, the Hatians get all freaky with the Qatarians, and the Swedish girls dig freak nasty with the boys from the United Arab Emirates. You know its true. And why not? All that pent up stress from the competitive nature of why they are there in the first place. I wonder how many "Olympic Love Childs" exist?

2. I've noticed the commentators saying things like "for those of you watching this swimming race at home, its hard for you to see just how fast blah blah blah . . ." or "for those of you tuning in at home, we've got a great lineup of shooting, basketball, and fencing." Well, who the heck else would these commentators be talking to? Who is listening to them who is NOT watching them on TV at home? Is their voice heard in space or something?

3. Here's a big buzzword we keep hearing: "Olympic Hopeful." I love that. Home Depot advertises how they employ more Olympic Hopefuls than anyone else. What a silly phrase--"Olympic Hopeful." All this means is that, as a person, you have a desire to be at the Olympics, competing in something. It says nothing about your skill, motivation, or energy, and most Olympic "hopefuls" probably suck anyway--all you really have to do is "want" to be there, and POOF . . .you're now an Olympic Hopeful! Even me, a chubby white guy, could "hope" to be swimming against Michael Phelps in the 300 freestyle (even though I lack any skill) . . .I think it would be awesome to be at the Olympics. So thats all it takes for me to be classified as a "hopeful?" Sign me up. While I'm at it, I'd also like to be known as a "billionaire hopeful," "rockstar hopeful," and "father of the year hopeful." Jeez . . .with all this hoping going on, I'm gonna have to quit my day job.

Morons.