Meanderings 49

1. If I could pick one sport to be the best at, it would definitely be skiing. And I've thought a lot about this, trust me. Its not really the skiing I'm interested in--I mean, yeah, going really fast down a sheer ice face is pretty cool I guess......but I'm interested in all the stuff that goes "along" with being a skier. I mean, with running, you run, and then you take a shower, and go back to work. And with baseball, you can get a massage from the trainer after. And the list goes on....

But skiers get to sit in wicked cozy lodges by nice glowing woodstoves or fieldstone hearths....and they get to wear jogging pants and thick, warm, woolen sweaters. And they drink a lot too; yes I am sure beer is involved, but also they drink hot chocolate and tea. They get to play in the snow all day, gravity is ALWAYS on their side (unlike runners and cyclists), and at the end of the day, they get to relax in a log cabin. That is my kind of sport.

2. I love it when you're watching one of those "mystery" shows like 48 hours or Dateline Mystery or something, and they inevitably show you some conflicting clause from some random legal affidavit or something, and, through the magic of digital imaging, they sort of "pull out" that random passage from the legal affadavit, in order to enlarge it for the viewers benefit....and when they do, they make sure the passage has those cute little digitally enhanced "rippages" around the edges. It makes me feel really important....almost like they ripped it out just for me. I wouldnt feel as good if the edges were straight. It just wouldnt seem right.

3. What's the deal with regular people who become rich celebrities and then all of the sudden make all of US feel so guilty about the way we live OUR lives....through the exploitation of poor people in some third world country or something. Yeah, what's up with that?

4. Does any place in the world have the area code of "123?" OR....does anyplace in the country have the local exchange of "456?" I guess what I am getting at is this: I want to know who in America has the telephone number closest to (123)456.7890. Even if they are a few digits off, it would still be cool.

5. I dont eat lobster because its ridiculously overpriced and terribly overrated as a flavorful food; my aversion to lobster has absolutely nothing to do with any of these so-called "inhuman" acts of boiling them alive, torturing them, etc. If I DID eat lobster, do you know why I wouldnt feel bad for cooking and eating them? Simple. Any animal that isnt smart enough to evolve, over the last 300 years, to NOT be stupid enough to fall for the easiest trap in the known universe, doesnt deserve ANY stupid hippy advocating for them. If they were intelligent enough to be hurt by boiling water, then they'd be intelligent enough to STOP going into that green net in that wire box that all their disappearing friends have been going in for the last few centuries. Actually, I AM going to start eating lobster. Just because they are stupid.

6. Everyone knows that if I were president, the one and only thing I would do is prohibit tractor trailers from driving on the roads EXCEPT between 10pm and 7am. I have written extensively about that. But I've added another item to my platform. I would absolutely and unabashedly ban the playing of that "On Broadway" song from any radio, concert hall, shower, or iPod. First of all, its the suckiest song ever. Second of all, the freakin' song NEVER ENDS. That no-talent-ass-clown who sings the "popular" version we hear so much just keeps "scatting" for like ten minutes. It makes me want to go swim with lobsters.

7. U-Haul had a sign out front the other day that said they had "moving boxes" for sale. I am definitely going to hold out for just regular "stay-still" boxes, since when I do decide to pack stuff up, I want the boxes to stay in one place. It'd be neater that way.

8. Sorry about there being no Callum pictures today. Our memory stick is full, and we have to upload all our pictures onto the computer, and I havent had time because I write nonsensical and meaningless fodder like this all day. But tomorrow.....