Meanderings 51

1. We live in a country where the two top rated news stories of the moment are:
a. the divorce of two selfish idiots who took needless fertility drugs in order to bring more kids
into an already overpopulated world...and then exploited the hell out of said kids in order to
make a ton of money, buy a huge, ostentatious house, get tummy-tucks and hair plugs, rent
bodyguards, and then bang the bodyguards which, in turn, was a cause of said divorce.....

b. the "free" elections of the latest jihad country to piss everyone off. (hint: you probably
arent going to have free elections in a country that has a "SUPREME LEADER" in the first
place....are we in Star Wars for crying out loud????) Why do we continue to take them
seriously??

2. Seafood is really really expensive, no? And, as one may notice, it seems to get more expensive the closer you get to the place from whence it comes: Seaside fish places are always more expensive. Kind of funny. But here is my question: Why is tuna fish, in a can, so INEXPENSIVE?? I mean, you can buy a can of tuna fish for 59 cents. But tuna NOT in a can is like 1000% more expensive. Why?? Even "frozen" fish is still pretty expensive. It kind of makes me concerned about what they do to it to make it so cheap.....

3. I saw an ad/coupon for dog treats. The "sales gimmick" slogan of the ad said "crunchy on the outside, with a chewy surprise inside." And then I began to think: Everything is a surprise to a dog. It doesnt take a lot to trick these animals up, ya know? I wonder if the dog really gets surprised and says "HOLY CRAP, I didnt expect THAT at all!!" I just dont see dogs (as great as they are) as being animals with that level of cognitive insight

4. In the same stack of coupons from last Sunday's paper, there was an ad for a ceramic Irish "gnome" you could buy to put with all the other chatckas you dont know what to do with. Interestingly, this little Irish gnome advertised how he came with a "certificate of authenticity." Ya know....there are a LOT of "poser" Irish gnomes out there!! I pray that my family never fall victim to "Irish Gnome Fraud."

5. Someone in the "snack food lobby" in Washington needs to do something about pretzel sticks ending up in bags of Chex Party mix, "Munchies," and other snack-like mixtures. Besides being the "Quiddich" (blatant FILLER....and the reason I didnt read any of the other Harry Crapper books) of these snack mixes, their inherent shape--which differs from everything else in the bag--really disrupts putting a "handful" of this mix in my mouth. Do you know what I mean?? Chex squares, nuts, CHEEZ-ITS, Doritos, mini-bagel chips, and other "staples" of the whole snack mix cadre are, for the most part, of the same size and shape. But then someone (someone intent on pissing people off) threw pretzel sticks into the mix, and all went to hell. The sticks simply dont "fit." You cant just take a handful and throw them in your mouth, ya know? I find myself screening my snack mix...and I have more important things to do. Obviously.....

6. I guess I am person who, by nature, doesnt do well with change....and I really get annoyed when people try to market "new" things that are really nothing special. For example, "cinnamon rolls" existed for generations and generations in American homes. But then, in the early 2000's, when places like Dominos and Pizza Slut started to make them, they were suddenly these AWESOME things that we'd been really missing out on for years. Do you know what I mean? I felt this way during the whole "chicken Caesar" wrap phase too: EVERY place in the world advertises their chicken Caesar wrap...or their lobster roll...or something like that. I just get annoyed.

But my point here is that, for a long, long time, sandwiches were around and all was well. Just regular, classic, old fashioned "sandwiches." THEN....the hippies and soccer moms had to have their "wraps" so they could more easily and conveniently bring their lunch to IKEA or someplace. Okay. Fine. Stupid idea of you ask me, but whatever. But NOW....everything has to be "flatbread." First of all, what the hell IS flatbread? Isnt all bread--when you slice it--by nature "flat?" Why do we constantly need change? IS flatbread even anything new? Or are we just fooling ourselves? I know you are reading this saying to yourself "wow....this kid needs to lighten up." But seriously...look at #1 on this list, and then do a Google search for "flatbread," and I think you'll agree that we really are a confederacy of dunces....