Meanderings 83

Wow...it has been a while since I have done a Meanderings. I think it has been since June or May. Perhaps I have just run out of clever observations. Or maybe I just dont care about how messed up things are anymore. But here are a few things that have crossed my mind lately---

1. Beard zits. If you are a guy you know this. If you are a French Canadian or Greek woman you know this as well. I grow beards a lot and then shave them off. It is what I do. I always play this 'game' with myself where I find a latent pimple/ingrown hair hiding underneath the cover of my beard. I go to shave my beard off and I therefore 'thwart' the pimple's plan to reside, safe and in secret, under my beard. I actually talk to it in the bathroom while I shave "HA!" I say. "YOU'VE BEEN COMPROMISED LT. WHITEHEAD!!!" I imagine the pimple being all like 'ohh noooooo' and stuff as I expose it for what it really is. It is like my beard zits are Al Quaeda and my Gilette is a drone. Game's up. I fully realize the sadness involved in how much this entertains me.

2. Why in the world would any mildly educated person ever name a beloved children's character POOH. And is Winnie a 'bear' or a 'pooh?' Like, is a 'Pooh' a race of animals that exists in Milne's world? Like Tigger the Tiger, Eyore the donkey, Winnie the Pooh? But then they call him "Pooh Bear" and that leads me to believe that maybe a Pooh is a TYPE of bear (Polar, Black, Grizzly, Pooh...) And, if so, are there OTHER Poohs as well? Also, from a critical analysis point of view, this might be the only case in history where a sociopathic, insecure, ultra-worrisome entity who lacks any self esteem whatsoever is actually the RESPECTED LEADER of his world. NOTE: Except for North Korea, Syria, the former Iraq, and, most of the time, the United States....

3. I love these chips and bags of candy that say 'Party Size' on them. I'm all like.....yo dawg....how do you know what my parties are like!!?? Have they done some R&D where Lays sends out 'moles' to infiltrate college get-togethers to see what these parties are looking like? Speaking for myself, the only parties I ever got invited to involved me being the only one there.....thus, my earlier weight problem. Nuge.

4. It is funny how in our culture we make this default assumption that everything 'good' must be 'indoors.' Is this a conspiracy put forth by Ikea and Linens and Things? For example, we like to talk about improving lives and getting an education so it will 'open doors' to future. 'Walk through that door to a better life' we often hear. We know these doors lead 'inside' instead of outside because of the simple word "through." In our language, we often talk about walking inside by going 'through' a door--but when we are going OUTside, we usually say we are going 'out' that door.  You know this is true. And we often have this other accepted idea that all bad relationships take place 'inside' as well. No one ever says "If you dont stop beating me I am going to walk through that door" (cuz that would indicate INSIDE). Rather, all fights seem to indicate going OUT   ("If you dont straighten out this drinking problem you have, I am walking out that door and never coming back"). And such and such....

5. What do cars, history, and movies all have in common? If you are someone who loves any of these things then you are a BUFF--not merely a 'fan.' If a person likes boats, pizza, candles, books, or photography,, then they are merely a 'fan' or an 'enthusiast.' Isnt that weird that we use 'buff' to describe these things? Why the word 'buff?' Do car and history fans often get naked in order to enjoy their '68 Mustangs or their Revolutionary War book? Or perhaps they like to polish their DVD cases of Alfred Hitchcock films or their Civil War era cannons.......Idk guy, Idk....