Meanderings 3

This is what I do during some of my down time on summer vacation . . .

1. Remember taking music class in like third and fourth grade? That is a pretty big year in a general music student's life, because that is the year that they trust you with "the recorder." Besides getting your license when you are sixteen (and maybe your own phone line if you were rich like some of my friends) this is pretty much one of the biggest childhood acquisitions--your own "recorder." My mom and dad let me buy my own from Mrs. Elson, the music teacher at Center School. It came with a nice plastic case and everything. I never understood what was with the name "recorder." I hope no one did any real recording with them, because those recordings probably suck hard. A more appropriate name for the instrument would have been "scathing swamp death horn." Proudly presented by Yamaha.

2. Some individuals were unable to let go, and thus pursued a career out of playing the recorder. I have checked, and there ARE real live recorder players out there. Remember, I have the time to do these kind of things. Who the heck wants to, of their own volition, listen to the recorder? In concert? On a CD? Plus, I bet professional recorder players are all kinds of cocky, since "those damn Philistines don't understand our art" and all that nonsense. And the recorders are probably gold plated.

3. One more music note (no pun intended): The "greatest hits" of general music class--"Hot Cross Buns" and "Three Blind Mice"--have the same chord structure. Are the written by the same brilliant composer, or was there a law suit over the plagiarism implications?

4. Where do we get the names for meats? Some of them make sense, and some don't. For example, the meat we get from a chicken is, well, "chicken." And the meat consumed from a duck is called "duck." But who decided that there should be variations? Why do we eat beef, venison, and pork, respectively, and not "cow," "deer," and "pig?" Am I right? No wonder foreigners think its so hard to learn English. First you've got to master read, red, and read, not to mention there, their, and they're. Then, if you want to eat, there's a whole bunch of other needless words to learn.

5. On a related note, as a child, I thought a "bologna" was a type of animal in its own right. Imagine a bologna-animal if you can, and try not to at least crack a smile. Picture it with its squat little cylindrical legs made of bolognas . . .a cute little bologna button nose . . .a thin little tail made of bologna. I hope someday my children can truly know a real bologna.

6. When did "razors" become the standard for sharpness in our modern world? Is there really nothing sharper than a razor? Are we complacent in not inventing anything better? Seemingly, the mark of a good knife is that it is "razor sharp." Well what about "knife sharp?" I know some knives that are pretty darn sharp. If you need a knife that is "razor sharp," then skip paying hundreds of dollars for that tool at Linens and Things and go to True Value and buy a box of razors. Or get them from my dad . . .he gets all the crap for free anyway.

7. One sad sign of our progress from small town village to larger urban metropolis is the endangerment of the town drunk. Towns don't seem to have town drunks anymore, and this is too bad. I'm too young to remember REAL town drunks, but they seemed harmless--cute almost--as they were depicted as sorry souls passed out on the ground, leaning on an oaken barrel, at two in the afternoon on any given week day, or staggering by at 11 a.m., perfectly willing to tell you a good joke. It was something that seemed to foster community, and I wish they would bring them back. "Hey . . .old man Peabody is the town drunk" and such and such. Today, "town drunks" have been replaced with buzz words like "white trash" and "domestic violence offenders," which doesn't sound as romantic.