Meanderings 48

Two headed monster??

I didnt even know Amanda was taking this....its destined to become a classic. I am yelling at Callum "NO....the stove it HOT." Look at him looking at me. "I'm sorry Daddy...."

1. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" is perhaps the only American folk adage we have that's hell-bent on ruining people's jobs. I mean, in these tough economic times, I think we should abandon that saying. Let's try and save everyone we can.

2. Dentists are funny people; they are the only folks who make a living by helping people do everything they can to NOT come and see them in the first place. Think about that for a moment. When you go to them, they polish and scrape and pick at your teeth. They teach you how to brush better. They help you with your flossing. For crying out loud, they even GIVE you the tools you need so you dont have to go back. But we do....kind of funny

3. If someone earns enough an average amount of money, they make a "living." But if someone earns an above average amount of money, they make a "killing." What's with that?

4. What ever happened to the monocle? Someone needs to bring that back. Or maybe it never left, and I'm just looking in the wrong places. No pun intended. Kind of.

5. Now that we've changed the clocks for daylight savings time, it stays darker longer in the morning....and when it does get light out, the sun, for some reason, REALLY glares the whole roadway, making it difficult to see. As I was driving up a hilltop into Benton yesterday, I began to get really angry at Being the selfish, greedy, and entitled American that I am, I immediately began to cast blame on those responsible, muttering to myself how I pay good money in taxes and shouldnt have to deal with this crap. And then I realized I was complaining about THE SUN. Then I realized I'm a freakin idiot. Then I had a good laugh and everything was better. Life is like that sometimes.

6. If Vassalboro Maine (the town in which THE GRAND VIEW topless donut shop makes its home) is going to pass an ordinance against nudity and nude businesses in the town, then that is all fine and good. But how on earth can they complain about nudity in a private donut shop, but still make it perfectly okay for people at public ice cream stands to be outside, in their morbidly obese pale white bodies, donning small bikinis or tight jeans with muffin-tops and furiously stretched thong whale-tales? I mean, can we just kill two birds with one stone here and get it over with already?

7. Isnt it funny how they call it a weather "forecast," but for over half of the "forecast" the weatherman tells us what is going on at the "present" time right outside our own windows? Thanks Beavis, but I have my own thermometer....and I have windows too. Use your cute little computers, and tell me when the heck its going to snow again this week. The should change the name of the news segment from "weather forecast" to "corpulent -middle -aged -man -in -short sleeve -shirt -and tie-telling -you -crap -you -already -knowcast

8. I hate it when you're watching TV and there's this ad with some gourmet chef making some fancy chicken or beef dish, decorating a silver platter with deliciously succulent food....and then through the magic of digital imaging all that great food is morphed into little glass dishes and you realize you're watching a catfood commercial. Usually, while some pretentious white cat is scurrying towards the dishes of food, the narrator says something like "and we use the same high quality ingredients to make this gourmet fancy feast catfood" or something. What a buzzkill....

9. I dont want to beat a dead horse here and complain about the dinks at AIG who are taking my money that I loaned to them and paying their selfish, greedy, country-ruining workers millions of dollars in bonuses. I'll leave that to someone else, like you. But what I seriously cant believe....what I find absolutely SHOCKING in fact, is that the leader of our country....our PRESIDENT... is COMPLETELY powerless in getting AIG to not pay these bonuses. Can you even IMAGINE how much the rest of the world is laughing at us right now? What the heck kind of crap is this? Hey, other countries might have more Draconian practices set in place, but its humiliating when a country like AIG is literally raping the American taxpayers and our very own President cant do anything. "oooh....we had contracts we had to honor" or "ummmm....we promised these bonuses 'before' the crisis happened." Absolute BS. You are telling me that the most powerful man in the world (after Mike Thurston) cant pull some strings somehow? What about all the contracts AIG broke with the American people and their customers? Right now the United States of American must look so damn stupid to the rest of the world; undoubtedly our integrity and toughness as a world power is being called into question if we cant even handle crooks in our own USA. In China, for crying out loud, they just executed people for screwing around with MILK!!! Do something Barack.

10. Piggybacking on my last point, I can only imagine if this whole AIG bonus thing was going on in a middle eastern country: There would be all-out rioting in the streets! That's the thing with Americans....we never riot. Other countries riot all the time, and its so funny to watch, because there are usually two universal truths that go along with rioting. First of all, there has to be some dude "cheerleading" the rest of the mob on, usually saying something with a lot of "K" sounds in it. Then, the mob repeats these "K" sounds back to the cheerleader. Secondly, these people are most of the time holding up a wooden stick with a painting of their weird, cultish leader attached to the stick; its never a photograph....if you want to riot like a Dirka, then it has to be a painting.