May 3rd Reflections

Have you ever seen a hot toll collector? Just throwing that out there. Do you think "topless" toll collectors would eliminate the problem of people driving right through without paying?

My sister did a great blog about the whole problem with grocery stores. Today, in fact, whilst in Hannaford, my cashier was "baggerless." Meanwhile, the lane next to me had TWO bubble-gum looking girls chatting it up about Justin Crapperlake while loading Oreos, orange juice, and frozen-at-sea haddock into bags at a pace that would make the late Pope John Paul look like a sprinter. Now I am going to hell. But seriously, why two baggers when I didnt have one? I'm not an "elitist," but what's fair is fair. I firmly believe (and will probably write a letter to the morning sentinel about it since its Sunday and I'm bored) that if we have to bag our own groceries, then we should get five dollars off our bill. Stores are always doing stupid little gimmicks like "if we fail to ask you if you saw the value of the day then we give you a dollar and a thank you for telling us" or "if we fail to ask you if this gift is off a registry, then you get a free soda" and crap like that. What about a little something for you for doing THEIR work?

In my passive aggressiveness, I've decided that whenever the supermarket doesnt bag my groceries, then I dont return my cart to the little cage thing they have in the parking lot. Tit for tat. I did it today, in fact. And I felt good about myself. Like I was passive-aggressively changing the world. . . .

I did absolutely nothing today, and I loved every minute of it. Well, actually I did vacuum, clean out the stove, and re-caulk the upstairs tub (but that is all). I watched the Celtics win, the Red Sox win, and then I watched V for Vendetta--a film my colleague Rachel let me borrow. An excellent movie that sort of blends 1984 and THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO together. Those are books, Stevee Cee.

Amanda went up to Jackman today with Michelle to attend Jane Babik's baby shower. Jackman is 5 miles from Canada. Or 5 minutes. Or feet. There was nothing up on Route 201 that far, so, to pass the time, they counted "Moose Crossing" signs. But, in Jackman, that is like counting the stars in the summer sky. So they just played "I Never."

The irony of all this "Green/Organic" crap (that is totally a fad a la "low carb craze") is that these big so called "green" stores defeat the whole purpose of themselves. Walmart green and organic? Pa-leeze. Hannaford a "certified organic market?" Come on. Good for them, but what they are inadvertently doing is forcing all the local farm stands and mom and pop health food stores out of business--and these types of small stores are the "essence" of what "green," "local," and organic stores are supposed to be in the first place.

Its funny how organic stuff is more expensive, yet you have to do less to it . . .its like how whole milk is more expensive than skim milk. Skim milk takes TONS of work to make they have to do work to get all the cream and fat out . . .whole milk just comes right out of the cow and that is it. Why is it more expensive? With organics, they dont have to buy fertilizers and stuff like that. Yet they charge more for it. Why?

A Prairie Home Companion was amazing . . .we sat just two rows in front of Thurston and his family, so that was pretty neat surprise. We absolutely love the show, and it was amazing to see how what we were watching was actually being broadcast live to about 4 million people across the USA. Maxine Kumin, the poet, was heartwarming and richly sentimental. David Mallet was good too, even though all his songs sound the same and he is not a nice guy.

Hey, what about "Green" tortures? The US is under scrutiny for all its waterboarding and crap like that . . .lets make our terrorist dealings more "organic" and "green" too. If its "green," then none of the Kyoto Treaty loving world of the United Nations will care, right?? How about bathing a terrorist in a bath of tepid water and pure cane (unprocessed) sugar, and then, using hemp rope, tying him up outside in the beautiful Maine woods on a June evening and letting the mosquito's (a natural, indigenous creature) have their way with them? Or, we could bring a jihadist out to a beautifully mowed corn field, lay them on the ground, stomach down (on organic soil) and have the natural sunlight (not light produced by electricity) beat down on his back until it is burned. Then, we can lay the terrorist down on a temper-pedic mattress with organic cotton sheets that have been washed and starched (natural corn starch of course). Doesnt that sound nice? Green=good.