Meanderings 40

1. Legos--the company that makes rectangular, hard plastic blocks for children--now has a fruit snack out....that looks exactly like the hard plastic blocks for children. How stupid can Lego be? Kids arent going to know the difference; they're going to start trying to eat the real blocks. Did any of the R&D people at Legos graduate from high school? What a stupid idea.

2. Pringles has a new slogan: "Everything pops with Pringles." Absolutely. Starting with the button of your pants.

3. "Advocate" is just a fancy, educational word for "complain," "piss," and "moan." I love it when people say they "advocate" for themselves. Anyone who "advocates" is usually a pain in the ass.

4. Sometimes, late at night, I smell a skunk who has sprayed in our neighborhood, and I can't help thinking, even if only a "little bit," how skunk smells like coffee. Has anyone else ever thought this?

5. Does it follow that anti-abortion activists inherently do not eat eggs for breakfast? If they did, it would be kind of hypocritical, wouldnt it? So there. If you are against abortion and you eat eggs, then you're a phony. So there.

6. My dad brought this to my attention recently: We hear a lot about "3rd world countries" and how they are plagued with disease, poverty, famine, and underdevelopment. Assumedly, the U.S., China, and Japan are "1st world countries." Right? If so, are there any "2nd world countries?" Are they countries that are just "a little" poor? What is the criteria? Is it like area high schools moving from Class A to Class B and such?

7. A lot of food manufacturers have recently started marketing a "premium" line of their food product--I've seen Pringles "premium," "premium" M&Ms, and "premium" Budweiser Select, just to name a few. Assumedly (the second time I have used this word), the premium line offers the "higher quality" version of the product that many people have been buying for years. How disrespectful is that??!!?? "Thanks for your support over the last 10 years, dear customer....but, to be quite honest with you, we havent been giving you our best. If you want that, you now have to pay more." As a consumer of these products, do you mind this? Do you somehow feel ripped off? I do. I feel cheated.

8. Lately, I've been listening to the Michael Jackson "Thriller" album (Stevee Cee let me burn it), and one song that's caught my ear is "The Girl Is Mine," where Michael sings with Paul McCartney about a girl with whom there is a conflict as to where her fidelity might be. I can't help thinking how, if Michael and Paul were real men worthy of the girl, then they'd fight it out old school style instead of gently crooning to each other under the backdrop of a jazz guitar and some synthesizer drums. Furthermore--and this is for the ladies--would you even WANT a guy who manifests his craving for you by joining the other would be suitor by pairing up for a gentle, adult contemporary "sing off?" Michael and Paul....two words: Boxing Match.

9. Consider this word: "Toast." What a strange word, with such variegated meanings and connotations. There is "toast" as in "crisped bread." Then, if you feel warm, you might say you feel "toasty." Does this mean you feel like bread? Also, you can "give" a toast at a wedding, where you say some kind words, make some stupid jokes, and try not to appear as drunk as you really are (and this version of "toast" is completely different than the other two). Finally, "toast" is what you might call someone whom you plan on beating at something. "Wanna race? OK....but you are TOAST!" Or, "The Patriots TOASTED the 49ers yesterday." Think about that: 4 different meanings for the word toast....have you have thought about that? Not to fear. I do. Because I'm lonely.