Meanderings 32

Amalie Benjamin . . . .

1. I'm tired of the new Brawny paper towel commercial that is on right now that explains how Brawny paper towels can handle even your "toughest" cleaning cases, and then shows a defeated looking husband, covered in dirt and grime, facing a situation where a baby is throwing spaghetti on the floor, and then the "wife" gives a "motherly" smile, as if to say "ohhh dear . . .i need to take care of my two little boys" (the husband is the other little boy) and then comes to the rescue, cleaning up the mess. Talk about double standard--just think of what the feminazi's would do if it were a commercial for, lets say, a lawn mower, and the "physically weak" woman had to be helped out by the stronger man, etc. I hate the way husbands and fathers are portrayed in the media . . .we're like a bunch of Peter Griffiths or Homer Simpsons (who, dont get me wrong, are hilarious) who can't do anything. I just think if it were the other way around . . .

2. Someone in the world (actually probably hundreds of people in the world), when asked what they do for a living, has to explain how they wash dishes for cooking show personalities. Think about it: when Rachel Ray, Emeril, Martha Stewart, and Alton Brown are done for the day, someone's gotta clean that crap up. Are these people recognized for what they do? In the credits, after "best boy grip" and "assistant to the associate director," does it say "dishwasher" or "Kitchen Bitch?" It should. But, since we live in P.C. corporate America, they probably have a fancy title like "kitchen reclaiming specialist" or "utensil technician." How demeaning. Do they take these jobs hoping to get their "big break?" Do they secretly cook stuff on the side, in between takes, and then go give it to Rachel to sample--the same way aspiring Hollywood actors give "scripts" to Harrison Ford and Quentin Tarantino when they do demeaning jobs on movie sets?

3. And speaking of which, Rachel Ray's 30 minute meal show is a lie--you have to factor in the time involved in cleaning up everything. It takes me longer to clean the whole kitchen that it does to cook . . .

4. At a conference a few weeks ago, the lecturer said "let's just put this issue on the 'proverbial back burner' until we come back from lunch." Obviously, the speaker said "proverbial" to indicate that they were well aware that they were using a cliche statement--on purpose. They do this so they dont look stupid and shallow for using overdone expressions. However, isnt that whole phrase--namely, saying "proverbial" before you say a cliche statement--also becoming cliche as well? I'm just throwing in my proverbial "two cents" on the matter . . .

5. I love when people spell things for me over the phone, and have to dignify each letter by attaching it to its own word--for clarification purposes. "My name is JARED . . .thats J as in Jason, A as in apple, R as in race car . . .and so on. I dont know why I think this is so funny. I guess its because there are certain letters that, inherently, always are attached to the same word. For example, the letter L always seems to be "as in Louis," the letter A always seems to be "as in apple (or Adam)," and the letter S always seems to be "as in Sam." Do you disagree with me? One time, a person used the word he was trying to spell to symbolize the first letter: "Yes me name is Horatio . . .that is "H" as in "Horatio," "O" as in "October . . . ." Etc. Whats the point of that? You can't say "H" as in Horatio if that is the word you are trying to spell. That defeats the whole purpose . . ..ya know?

6. Is a person "struggling" with something (school, work, life, marraige, coloring) if they a) dont realize it and b) dont give a crap anyway? Are they still "struggling?" We like to use that phrase a lot.

7. What's the deal with this surging "bathroom elitism?" Signs everywhere say things like NO PUBLIC RESTROOM, etc. Come on! Stop being so cocky (no pun intended). Let's all just join together in this fight against our bladders--EVERY PERSON in the world has to pee . . .let's help each other out for crying out loud. The fact that some people are so possessive of their bathrooms really speaks to the state of our humanity, actually. I believe it is morally and ethically wrong to keep people from going pee . . . .or CHARGING THEM MONEY like the McDonalds in Fanueil Hall marketplace does. You have to buy something from them if you want to use their bathroom. How friggin disrespectful is THAT?? Having to go the bathroom--and not having anywhere to go--has to be one of the worst feelings in the world. ONce when I was hiking with Thurston, I had to go the bathroom SO BAD (at 4A.M. no less) that I just ran into a Cumberland Farms in Manchester, Maine (because it was the only thing open). After I came out of the bathroom, at 4:04, the woman asked me if she could help me. No, I explained, I just was using the restroom. Then, she scowled at me "well thats not a public restroom you know!" To which I replied "well it is now." It was one of my more memorable lines.

DONT BE A BUTTHOLE WITH YOUR BATHROOM

8. My Powder

9. "He's such a nice guy . . .in fact, I dont think he has a mean bone in his body." What's all this talk about bones? Why, all of the sudden, are they somehow responsible for the "meanness" or "niceness" of someone? If anything, the ligaments or tendons should get the credit, because without them, the bones cannot move in the first place. Furthermore, its not the bones that do the bad things . . .its usually the HANDS holding the gun or the knife or the can of mace. Since when did a bone ever hurt anyone? This is such a silly expression. But I love it anyway.