Meanderings 34

1. What's the difference between a person who is "loved" and a person who is "BEloved?" It seems to me that a person is only beloved if they are, let's say, "older," and have "earned their stripes" so to speak. Its like if a person is "beloved," instead of just regular-loved, then they have proven they are the "real deal" and have true "lovable" traits that have stood the test of time. I would rather be beloved than just loved, I think.

2. Why are places where money is made called "mints?" I've tried sucking on quarters, and I think they taste like sweat and old man-pockets. Not only do they make money in mints, but also do they make die cast model cars and collectible things like that. Where's the mintyness involved here?

3. You always see those anti-cell phone bumper stickers saying "hang up and drive!" And, you always hear people telling other people to "hang up" their phones. What's funny about all of this is that we no longer "hang up" our telephones--particularly cell phones, which is what everyone uses anyway. "Hang up" is a very outdated expression for getting off the phone, yet we still use it. Rather, as far as cell phones are concerned, we simply close the hinged "lid" when we want to "hang up." Or, when I am on my "land line," I just press "END" and put the phone down. Interesting, huh? We can't "hang up" on people anymore. Just another great rite of passage technology has taken away from us . . .

4. Will somebody please explain to me what the heck is up with "The Learning Channel" and "The History Channel" and how neither one of them has anything to do with either "learning" or "history??" Seriously, The Learning Channel should be called "The Baby Channel," since all it shows are programs about amorphous fathers and their wives bringing their kids home from the hospital after they are born. OR, you've got Jon and Kate plus 8 which features this incredibly spineless father and his insufferably witchy wife and their 8 artificially created scientific babies. I havent been able to find anything else on this channel. All I am learning from this station is to stay the heck away from The Learning Channel.

As far as the History Channel goes, who knew that our rich and cultured world history is based almost completely on crab fishing and cutting down huge trees in Oregon?? I didnt. Forget about the greatest military the world has ever seen, the heroic battles fought, and all the heroes procured from said military. Forget about inspirational speakers and leaders like Gandhi, MLK, Ronald Reagan, Aristotle, and Daniel Webster. And who cares about things like the Berlin Wall, The Great Wall of China, the Pyramids, and other wonders of the world? Why would any history buff care about ANY of this when they can watch money-obsessed skinny, white, illiterates stand on swaying crab boats in January or in drenching rain in Northwestern forests? The History Channel give the American people exactly what they want--people doing WHATEVER possible to get rich . . .

5. What a cute fad it is for all these folks to pull up to Hannaford in their Hummers and Excursions and then use re-usable cloth bags to hold their groceries so they can be "sustainable" and not use "petroleum based" plastic bags. I've got an even better solution, and one that I'd be really good at: Eat all the food you buy before you even leave the store, then you wouldnt need any bags at all. I'm waiting for the day people start implementing "reusable toilet paper" into their lives.

6. In Maine, it is illegal to drive in your car and not wear a seat belt (it is now a primary offense, which means you can be pulled over and given a ticket JUST for that). However, its perfectly legal and fine and motorcyclists NOT to wear helmets. Can someone explain this to me? If a motorcycle driver who is not wearing a helmet gets into an accident, I firmly believe that their health insurance shouldnt cover their medical costs. Incredibly selfish of them to not wear helmets, actually. If for nothing else, for the way their outrageous medical costs are now going to "trickle down" and pump up the insurance premiums for the people who try to live a healthy life.

7. (I've only been thinking about this one since I'm now around all the "parenting" lingo). "Child Rearing." Hmm. Sounds vaguely inappropriate . . . painful. I'm looking forward to raising my son, but I dont plan on doing any child "rearing."

8) We are in a golden age of verbs, I tell you, since so many "nouns" are now being used as "action words"--namely, verbs. And its all because of technology! "I MYSPACED her the other night, but she didnt update it," I FRIENDED you on Facebook . . .why didnt you accept yet? " I'm going to TEXT him later on to see if he wants to play Candyland," "I've been IM-ING Chloe since 3, but now she has to go to work." Hey, fat kids . . .GO PLAY OUTSIDE.

9) Wendy's is now advertising their new "handspun shakes." With all due respect guys, I want your employees at Wendy's to do as little as possible with their hands to my food, thank you very much.