Meanderings 23

Two photos to accompany my meanderings today. First, there is a funny bumper sticker Belle sent me via email. I would never in ten light years vote for this person, but its funny nonetheless. I also think Hillary looks like Jack Nicholson as the "Joker" in Batman. The other picture is of the Pelotte family, who came by for a visit and some "biggatomatosaussa" yesterday.

*******

1. Enough already with those ridiculous wall hangings, signs, embroidered things, etc. that all have stupid sayings like "Recipe for a happy home . . .add 1 cup of understanding and 1/2 ounce of tenderness . . .mix liberally with sprinkled hugs . . .and blah, blah, blah. It was a dumb idea to begin with, and its time has passed. Thank you.

2. I have a cool invention: gum that has fiber in it. This way, you can freshen your breath and feel full all at the same time. We've got gum to stop Nicotine cravings . . .why not gum to stop appetite cravings as well? While we're at it, lets have gum that is turkey or steak flavored . . .or gum that tastes like gravy. This would be more satisfying. Why does it always have to be mint? I think Mr. Wonka was onto something . . .

3. An interesting legal question I wondered about the other night when I (as usual) couldnt sleep: Would it be illegal to copy someone's identify via plastic surgery? I mean, does anyone inherently "own" a look, just because thats what they "look like?" For example, suppose I had millions of dollars but couldnt get chicks because I was ugly . . .and suppose I went to a great plastic surgeon and had him make me look EXACTLY like Tom Brady or Sting or Matthew Mconnahay (or however he spells it). Could I get in trouble? No one owns a look . . .or DO they? And if I did get sued, what would be the crime? And if I lost, would the judge make me get plastic surgery to "un-look" like Sting?

4. Everyone appears to seem upset, think I'm nuts, or look at me disdainfully when I tell them how much I love the winter (this usually comes after they make smalltalk in passing about how cold it is or how much snow we have, etc. and I tell them how I'm so happy). Why all the hatred for the winter lovers? I personally hate the summer, and I think all those people are crazy for loving the heat. And here's another thing: if my tax money is going to go to help people have heat in the winter, then I'd like it reciprocated by having some assistance with air conditioning in the summer. I understand people get cold in the winter (I happen to love the cold) and need help . . .but I dont have "central air" in my house, and I suffer terribly through the heat--did anyone ever see what one of my shirts looks like from June-October? I need some assistance please . . .

5. What we think of as pearls are just marine creature cysts for which we pay top dollar. It would be like an Oyster going to the jewelery store to get his wife a human pimple necklace or a goiter bracelet. Think about it: how does a pearl develop?? Pearls are pieces of sand that become irritated over time. Maybe there is a hidden market for rashes or yeast infections . . .

6. Restaurants should start requiring the ID of the "birthday person" if they want every single employee in the said restaurant to sing like an idiot for the "birthday person." I think people abuse this tradition just to embarrass their friend . . .whose birthday probably isnt for months anyway. And, as it happens, when traditions get overused and overdone, they become wicked lame. Last Saturday in Chili's, we heard like 7 happy birthday songs in about a half hour. Come on . . ..

7. Here is something that has gotten old: Reality TV shows (somehow) trying to create suspense by showing white clouds moving across a blue sky . . .really really fast. This seems to be something every reality show does, and I can't figure out why. J'ever notice this happening?

8. The last meandering for today has to do with those ubiquitous automobile stickers, shaped like the "support our troops" ribbons, that say "Autism Awareness." Now this doesnt bother me because I think Autism is not a serious problem (even though I think it has somehow become--should I say--"overdiagnosed") but these signs bother me because they essentially say nothing . . .but they do so with an almost mild dose of "guilt" as if to imply that we, as a general public, arent paying enough attention to disorders others may have, and should somehow do better. Where does it end? And moreover, what do these folks mean when they advertise "awareness" of Autism? As a teacher, I see cases of Autism in my classes, but I dont understand what being "aware" of it means. Is this the latest trend? I fear it may be; it seems as if diseases these days have become almost "markets," if you will for merchandising. From pink ribbons to virtual breast cancer clothing lines to Livestrong bracelets--I fear as if the true message (a very powerful message) will be lost in the "pop-cultureness" of what these things become. But the "Autism Awareness" stickers really concern me for some reason, because it seems like they are "following suit" and trying to find their niche in all this mass-marketed "disease merchandise." What are they really trying to say? I'm bald . . .should I have a "hairloss awareness" sticker on my truck? Or an "obesity awareness" bumper sticker on my water bottle. Or maybe I should have a "summer-haters awareness" T-shirt . . .but I'd probably just sweat right through it