Meanderings 15

Why not piss a few more people off?

ADVERTISING MEANDERINGS

1. If you're a restaurant, stop advertising that you have the "world's best lobster roll," because you don't. No one does. They're are freakin' the same. A lobster roll consists of a hot dog roll, a couple of ounces of lobster, and a spoonful of mayonnaise. How can you differentiate here? Its all pretty basic, so stop aggravating me. Yours is the same as everyone elses.

2. Then you get people like McDonalds, D'Angelos, and Subway advertising THEIR lobster roll, and how great theirs is. If I was going to pay twenty dollars for a wicked small sandwich, you think I'm gonna get it at McDonalds? Stick to frying crap, and we'll all be happy

3. Stop making such a big deal out of the fact that your restaurant now has "wraps." All it is is unleavened bread, so stop acting like you're all groundbreaking and innovative. You see signs all the time like "we have wraps" or "now, get your favorite sandwich on a wrap!" and the like. Its like they want to make people believe they sent some envoy to the far reaches of East Japeepie to find the latest culinary concoctions . . .and all they came back with was a wrap. How about an original idea, like fried macaroni and cheese balls. Go Cheesecake Factory!!

4. I'm tired of the same stupid commercials showing disgruntled white office workers, and their token black office worker, sitting in the break room eating lunch, while two of them act all despondent and depressed over their lunch, while the token black person has some "double chicken Caesar wrap" thing from some chain restaurant. The token black character is acting like they just found out they won the lottery or something, just because they've got the better sandwich--life is perfect, cuz you've got a wrap!! Then, during the last 15 seconds of the commercial, the disgruntled white workers conspire to get the token black worker's "good" sandwich while he isnt looking. The white male workers have way to much gel in their hair.

INTERSTATE HIGHWAY

1. There are all these bumper stickers telling you to pay attention, because MOTORCYCLES ARE EVERYWHERE! But if you're reading the bumper sticker on the 84 Caprice Classic, how are you supposed to pay attention to the motorcycle you're hitting?

2. Weigh Stations. What the heck? Have they ever been open before? What do they even do? I dont get it.

3. I've got a great idea for an invention: How about a new polymer to go on the back of bumper stickers so, even after having them on for months at a time, they just peel right off. Why are bumper stickers still made the same way? Why haven't they been improved with some new sort of sticky residue that comes off easier? I'm tired of seeing stickers for "Dukakis/Benson '88." It just seems like a pretty easy solution to me.

4. How many of you, when after giving the toll collector their money, say "THANK YOU!" as you drive away? I don't. I used to, but then I realized what I was doing: I was thanking "them" for letting me give "them" my money. What the heck? THEY should be the ones thanking me, but usually they just stare or say nothing. Geez . . .thanks for letting me pay you money so I can drive on your special road where I still have to obey all kinds of stupid laws about speeding and merging. Oh, and thanks also for using my hard earned money to make improvements like lane additions to your special highway, so I dont have to sit for 30 minutes in traffic just waiting to pay you in the first place. . .oh wait, that just happened.

AIDS

1. King Bush pledges millions to countries like Africa for "Aids Education." Arguably, millions are spent here in the USA for Aids awareness and education. I think we could do it for $82.95. This is the price I came up with after researching the price of a megaphone that had a range of 600 yards (I found it on Megaphonesdirect.com), as well as a full tank of gas for Amanda's Subaru. I ask you seriously: what are the millions for? At this point, everyone should know how you get Aids, and what causes it. For the people that do not, I propose driving around in a car, yelling through the megaphone the simple mantra: "USE A CONDOM. DONT SHARE NEEDLES. YOU WONT GET AIDS" for a couple of hours a day. The only overhead costs I would see would be double A batteries for the megaphone, and the occasional filler-up on gas. Undoubtedly, I'll be crucified for what I'm writing, but enough is enough already; How much are we going to entitle people? Just drive around, use a megaphone, and tell people how not to get AIDS--its that simple! I have no idea . . .not even in my most wildest dreams . . .why we need to shell out millions to a country like Africa to educate them about AIDS. My dad did it for me in like 4 minutes, and then we went to get Chinese food. It just seems to me that the only ones we spend "education money" on are the lazy and ignorant, and I think that needs to change.